Ujian selepas kahwin

(Continuation from previous post)

The real test for me after I got married...

My husband is always not around me due to work commitment... he went for vietnam assignment as soon as our marriage leave ends.Then few domestic assignments.. and again 2 mo work in Vietnam again.All this happened within our first year of marriage. As most of thd newly wed, I always wanted a baby as soon as I got married. But that did not happen too fast for me.. i was TTCing for a year and without a husband around thing are almost impossible. Staying alone at home did not help either...bila duduk sorang ni I realized we tend to be more fragile and syaitan tu senang nak bisik benda bukan2.When finally I received the good news, I was pronounced miscarried after 7 weeks. Alhamdulillah my husband is around at this time..amonth later he got a transfer letter to brunei...luckily I was very calm to receive the news. Alhamdulillah I tried go overcome the sadness and live my life.. then I was again pregnant after few months. I was living alone throughout my pregnancy, luckily myhusband came back everytime he had the chance. After delivered the baby, the option I had is to live with my inlaws as they took care of my baby when iam working. Recently we just celebrated our 4th anniversary and I am still living with my inlaws while husband still in brunei... with no significant indication when he would return for good.

There I summarized my experience in one paragraph. I know it means nothing to some and I am not trying to get your sympathy here as the highlight of my story would be in the next paragraph.

Despite all the unfavorable events, I felt blessed with many magical things that happened.

Magical is a layman term that can best described `I feel that Allah talks to me' in His own way. He heard my each and every prayers despite my inconsistency of tahajjud, dhuha and other ibadat.. now as I am typing this I am so ashamed of myself  -_- By hearing means the Creator did not just gave whatever that I wished, but He fated for the best, the ones beyond my imagination and capability of planning. I shall not detail everything that happened here, as I believe everyone as well had similar experience like me, if not better. There were times I feel so relieved with what is happening as I speak today. How calming sometimes being apart with your spouse, how happy myself and my daughter by living with the inlaws.. you know the odd things that you could not rationalize with your head without actually experiencing it.

Hence with faith like this I believe everyone, especially women out there can endure everything that happen and rationalize it before you keep on saying things to reasoning yourself but disturbing to others like :

Only TTCing woman understands the pain of TTCing.

Only single Mom understands the pain of another single Mom.

Only people with similar experience understand one another.
Your difficulty is a far cry than mine- so shut up.

I admit that those sentences were my own, once upon a time. But I dah insaf. And hopefully the momentum will stay as you know, women is so fragile, thinking about 50 things at once, harini OK esok emosi tak stabil balik. For me, the key of success is only one : to get nearer to your Creator. Itu je.

Sekian, semoga di hari2 down I di masa depan, Insya Allah I can re-read this post and heal my soul back.

Cheers :)

Tipula kalau tak jealous

Tipula kalau I tak jealous....

1. Tengok orang dating ngan husband hari2

2. Tengok orang gi kerja dihantar dan dijemput husband

3. Tengok orang yang mampu pergi outstation/event/program sebab husband ada tolong jagakan anak

4. Tengok orang yang tenang je kat rumah sebab husband tolong uruskan hal2 harian dari basuh baju, iron baju, kemas rumah etc

5. Tengok family yang weekendnya penuh aktiviti untuk seisi keluarga macam pergi park, shopping mall, program etc

6. Tengok orang yang mampu plan the weeks and comply to it without dail

7. Tengok orang yang boleh gilir2 cuti ngan husband utk jaga anak bila caretaker bercuti

8. Tengok orang yang mudah nak plan dptkan anak siap specific lg jarak berapa tahun etc..

Tipulah kalau tak jelous. Perasaan tu satu fitrah bagi manusia terutama yang tak dapat depan mata padahal orang lain dapat je tanpa banyak effort. I pun x terkecuali dalam hal ni.. and honestly it takes some time to heal or find the rationale.

For me it doesnt matter, you deserve to grief for a while but dont take too long to heal, ok dear? Coz things like this is beyond our control, and no matter hard we try, if Allah has other plan for you it will never ever work.

For me, at this point of time where my emotion is most stable, the trick is to always sedar yang kita ni hamba. Siapa kita ni nak marah2 when our life turns to be the total opposite from what we dream. Sebab Pencipta kita itu tahu semuanya..

Looking back, I admit that my life journey is quite easy and straightforward. I was never the best in school but always in the top3 in primary school, top10 in secondary. My parents were the easygoing ones who always support and allow me to do whatever I want. I want to go to the boarding school and was selected.I never prepared for my scholarship interview for uni but got the offer. I met my right guy in uni who was from my hometown and got married. I never had financial problem as far as I am concern, alhamdulillah. As I said, I was never the best and some things do happen not the way I wanted I.e I dont get to further my study overseas and did not obtain a first class degree, but almost everything in my life falls nicely into places.... until I got married.

Allah uji I lepas I got married....
(To be continued)

Malaysian's annual shopping spree

I am writing live from the biggest n most popular book fair in Malaysia which is held annually, the BBW. After many years of missing the event, this year I decided to join the fun not once, but twice.Coincidentally I went to BBW on its first day and its last day, both was and is still a grabbing book spree. I mean, no one can resist cheap books, right?

To be honest I have not finish even a single book from the bunch that I bought last 10 days (with exception of Amna's books). And I am still buying few, ahsm, a number of books today, only this time I limit my buy to non fictions and focus the title for the whole family interest. I was also quite amazed to find many people already throng the place, with little children towing behind parents, in this early hours.  It was indeed an impressive sight.

Then come the real question;  can we really finish reading all the books that we bought? Or would it be another fillers to our towering bookshelves? Or do we just love the shopping part and this event is the most guilt free shopping spree one can ever have, so why miss it!

With the anecdote, let us vow to finish reading all the books we bought in BBW. All the best to you and me !

Choose the best supplement for your body

Assalamualaykum and hi,

Maybe you might be wondering why the sudden hike of eagerness  I had for supplements. Well, it is not actually so sudden. And it is not obviously a peer pressure as well (since now supplements are a booming thing and everyone seems to be a supplier).

I am the type that always watch my food intake since I could not get myself (yet) to exercise as often as I want to, blame the 8-5 working hours and a maidless,single-mom-by-location status I carry now. Although I inherited my Dad's genetic who hardly gain weight regardless what or how much we eat, and I  never over eat (thanks to the limited belly storage I have), those advantages do not permit me to stuff everything or anything inside my body. I was grateful to have the silent conversations in my head everytime I crave for anything too sweet or too oily or too salty, and its just once in a while that I override those conversations and had those guilty pleasure food instead and worry immediately after that . I worked in a shopping mall for record, and this was not easy :)

However don't get me wrong. I enjoy good food a lot especially when my husband is around. I would read in the internet, and newspapers/magazines and marked the recommended food joints so we can hunt for it later. So rest assured, I am as normal as you. Its just that when I had a meal that is not balanced (which is most often are veges/fruits), my mind will wonder on how to recover the missing component of a balanced diet. Hence I come out with a priority list of what to consume whenever I had one imbalanced meal for the day :

1) Get myself some fruits/veges/nuts as snacks. Always have these as regulars in your food stock basket.
2) Get myself some health supplements!!

For me, we should never be stingy to get the best food for our consumption, as our body is our most important asset in life.Even if one slice of papaya costs you RM2 (because you bought it in a classy shopping mall), it is the best investment for your health if you're unable to find other cheaper option for that particular day. Of course, it is best if you can go down to the fruit market and get your fresh supply of fruits and veges.
Same concept can be applied to supplements. I know supplements industry is booming right now, and we can even see people producing their own brand/product since the demand is very high. However, my philosophy in buying good is always go for good quality products that is endorsed by the authorized personnel.

I have tried few supplement brands before this, and what I can say is people stick to the best brand personally for their own selves. For more proactive ones, they start to recommend and promote the products that worked wonders to to their family, friends and even strangers so it can do the same wonders to them too. And actually product loyalty brings more benefit to you as you can focus your research to one brand and you can actually save your money since loyal members usually enjoys more benefit then the other customers.

So choose wisely. Happy exploring :)

New to supplements? Keep your fundamental right

I believe most of us are already consuming, or would like to consume health supplements in our daily intake. Unless if you had a very healthy and balanced daily diet, almost everyone need to take some depending on your body and  lifestyle.

I watched Dr Oz' tv show (he was a frequent in Oprah's before having his own show) some times ago and he actually recommended 3 supplements for everyone.

An excerpt taken from Dr Oz' website as below :

Every day Dr. Oz dispenses a wealth of innovative tips so you can live your healthiest life. But keep in mind, you do not need to do or try everything that’s recommended.  Take supplements, for example. While Dr. Oz frequently reports on the benefits of various supplements, he by no means expects you to take every single supplement that’s mentioned on the show.

To clear up any confusion, follow this rule of thumb: As a baseline regimen, avoid taking more than 5 different supplements per day. By doing so, you could risk potential negative pill interactions, so always discuss with your doctor or pharmacist first.

To help simply your regimen, listed below are the 3 supplements that Dr. Oz deems absolutely essential for everyone to take: a multivitamin, omega-3 fatty acids, and calcium with magnesium. Anything else should be customized according to your gender, age or health goals such as weight loss, improved memory, or relief.

Even if the statement comes from a medical doctor, there is no absolute right or wrong about supplement intake. However I would like to emphasize that it is vital to consult somebody, be it your medical doctor, pharmacists or any product consultants that you personally know and believe, before you start to eat a single pill. The internet have abundance of information about this and is a good starting point if you're a curious cat regarding this issue.

Have fun exploring!

Another Shaklee Distributor in Town

After so long keeping the product to myself, I am now planning to share it with you and confess to the public. I am a Shaklee user for few years already, and I must say I love the product and would like to share with you. I have my own testimonial to share, and I will do it in stages :) At the moment I just like to announce my willingness to share with you and even help you to buy using member's price, and you can even become a member yourself when you're satisfied with the product.

COD is available for KLCC and Keramat area.
Whatsapp/SMS me at 019-3755133.

How I Miss Everything

How I miss blogging so much but could not commit to type even a sentence since the past few months.Blame my old slow net book that still working but not typing friendly.Or does my finger had grown bigger??

How I miss blog hopping and read others' thoughts. Blame the rapid usage of smartphones and smartphone friendly social media.

How I miss doing business, particularly Susu Ilham. I stopped when I am about to give birth, and for some reason I still did not resume selling it even after1 year 7 months. Can you believe that alot of people still asking about that product even when i do not promote it to the public? Good product stays in people's head and heart,they say.

How I miss my baby when she was small. I am working on a delayed photobook project of hers and could not stop gazing at her chubby face when she was few months old.

How I miss my husband. Fullstop.

Gazing

City vacation : klcc

Macam dah takde tempat lain nak bercuti..situlah tempat kerja, situlah nak bercuti. Haha amna tak mandi terus teruja main kat full length window..then off to aquaria.is it just me.. I think aquaria somehow had lost its magic.

Cara nak istiqamah bersedekah setiap hari

Last night I managed to attend a beautiful majlis ilmu and met my usrah friends yang lama tak jumpa. I wish to share on one of the most memorable key point for me in that event as highlighted by the ustazah.She said that doing good deed is easy, yang susah adalah istiqamah. Contohnya macam sedekah, of course after prayer in a mosque or after attending ceramah it is easy for us to give sedeqah coz we are just being reminded about it. And we know that sedekah in the morning is the best time because that time is when the rezeki come (as the scholars said).So macam mana nak istiqamah sedekah, pagi hari? Mungkin tak setiap pagi kita boleh gi masjid untuk bagi kat tabung masjid..
So solutionnya adalah buat tabung sendiri..letak kat depan rumah pagi2 sebelum pergi kerja boleh masukkan duit.Tapi kadang2 kt rumah, pagi2 rushing nk gi kerja, hantar anak, dan macam2.so boleh juga letak kat atas meja office.setiap pagi sampai masukkan sikit duit.so hari public holiday tak dapat pula nsk masukksn duit.hehe.another option is to carry an envelope in your handbag and jadikan dia tabung.biasanya handbag kita bawa ke mana2 so boleh la kot nak menyumbang setiap hari.bila dah penuh, boleh transfer ke mana2 tabung derma, tabung masjid atau mana2 tempat yang memerlukan..
Amacam boleh try tak? I am going to start today.let's start!

Amna with atok

Reset Minda Pekerja

One of my favorite tv program nowadays is Reset Minda bersama Prof Muhaya. I like her style of reminding others straight forwardly, without actually annoys or discomforts people. Just the style that suits me. One of the most memorable episode that I can really relate to my self and my situation is Reset Minda para pekerja.

If you ever experience perasaan tak suka pergi pejabat, tak suka bosses, tak suka colleagues, tak suka your work, rasa tak pernah dihargai dan 1001 macam lagi grievances related to work, well you should catch the re run of this episode in Astro Oasis. When I watch this episode, every single words uttered by Prof really hit me right on the face. I pernah rasa perasaan yang sangat teruk ni twice in my working life. Once when i just got married and my husband immediately was assigned to Vietnam and other places.. and sekali lagi masa i just gave birth to my baby and got back to work,where I need to stay with my inlaws coz they agreed to take care of my baby while I got to work. To think back during these two major downside of my life, both were related to fragile emotions due to  missing support by the husband and ALSO some problem in the office that i shall not detailed down here.

Well to relate back to the topic, the key concept that i learnt from the program me is focus on what we are giving, rather that we are given. We always see ourselves as most important person because we do good work for the company,more often we stretch our efforts to make ends meet, and we always expect something in return, sometimes even something extra at the end of the day. But sometimes we tend to forget that we are the one who apply to work for the company, and they have the rights to assess our work and decides whether we shall be given handsome bonus or not at the end of the year. And once the decision did not meet our expectation, our instinct is always to rebel and give less from what we always give, because it doesn't make any difference anyway. Because those persons whom give less but more visible, or please the bosses whom will get the extra perks and not us.

The paragraph above is actually a real case that always happen in the workforce, especially in my unit. It is because my current work is so monotonous, very operational and is always hectic through out the year. At least a project has phases, and perhaps you may get totally busy at any of the phase and once it was done, you may have a time period to cool down and reflects, suggest for rooms of improvements before the next project kick off. But not for my case. So the negative atmosphere is always clouding my units especially because most of the member of my units are quite experienced people, and we have experience working with different team and bosses that we could always compare our experience to.

For me, i am a self motivated person. For me motivational book doesn't help to increase my motivation, i will do the soul searching and find my inspiration so i can get the mood and actually enjoy what i am doing at work, so i can strive better and perform at my best level. So currently the work atmosphere doesn't bother me so much, as i now if i want to make the atmosphere better, i am the one who need to move forward. Not forcing or waiting for the scenario to change. For external motivation i look forward to programmes like Prof Muhaya's and also by reading biography books of famous and successful person.

So if you're feeling down and not wanting to wake up the next day to go to the office, please catch the rerun of this programme to get you inspired. We need to understand why we go to work and how to enjoy working, if we fail to feel the joy we might as well quit and do something else instead e.g. starting a business, etc. And please do it quickly, because the longer you stay, you might feel more miserable, and this will surely affect your performance, and you will be the excess baggage to your colleagues and company too.

A fresh layout

I am setting a new layout for the blog to mark my intention to be an active blogger again. Yay! (Insya Allah)

Mommy's dilemma

The biggest dilemma for ladies around my age, who just started a family and is expanding (physically, financially, socially), is none other than either to become working mother or stay at home mother(SAHM). It will always haunt us, I guess no matter which path we choose. For me, currently a working mother, I will unintentionally, every now and then think about my life if I chose to become a SAHM. Or even WAHM for that matter. Some of my friends even questioned me, `What am I doing here?!' when they learnt that until now I am still apart from the husband due to work commitment.However it is easier said than done, alot of factors need to be considered and it is not really about money. My child is already 1 year old and alhamdulillah I managed to raise her single handedly with strong support from both of my families.

I felt uneasy when some people portrayed that working mom is a norm and housewife is an extra mile.i believe on the total opposite.I do believe that stay at home mother is a norm, almost natural option every women need to choose. However since many women nowadays obtained high education level they are expected to work, and later when they start a family, big decisions need to be made for the family to function.So since stay at home mom is a norm (for me) I dont see any problem if graduated women chose to be a housewife rather than working in the field they had studied in school.

I have my reservations for both options.I believe all mothers are great regardless the path they choose..either working or stay at home.I have seen living evidences of successful mothers from both sides, whom raised successful children so it is always depend on individuals. My favourite mothers, whom are MY Moms are the examples of mothers from both sides and I actually learned a lot from their experience.My mom was a working mother for almost 30 years while my inlaw is a housewife. Both are supermoms in their own fields, that is all I can say.

And now I observed the trend of stay at home moms making small/online business from home and that is actually a great move to support the family financial state.And perhaps since most of these mothers have a high education background, they are equipped with sufficient knowledge to excel in this field, and have a network of friends supporting each other makes this move even more fun and easier. They can always choose to become traditional housewives whom only focus to raise the children and do the house chores, but these people made extra effort to become work at home moms.Most importsnt is they enjoy what they are doing.

Now lets look at the working moms.i believe most of them also have the option to quit and stay at home but they did not do for many reasons.Usually because they would like to practice what they have learnt in tertiery level, and also to contribute to the family's financial state.But some really have genuine passion to their work and actually performs well, more often they beat the men.And believe me some of these mothers managed to perform well as both mothers for their children and also as employees.They have the recipe to success which need to be perfected over time, and a strong determination and high discipline helps along the way.

However as a 'traditional' mom at heart I always believe that family must come first, work second.It is a huge bonus if the boss can accept occasional EL from the employees to attend a sick child, and allow half day leave to handle various family matters like my boss (thanks boss!). However please do not jeopardize the allowance because we work for an organisation and in all fairness, we need to perform and deliver the equal quality and quantity of job as what we are paid monthly. If that is too much to ask, then quit please and do what you enjoy the most.

So make the right choice for the benefit of your family, and KUDOS to all mothers who made it!!

Oh no

Oh my goodness post below is meant for my personal blog.i got the blogs mixed up! Excuse the casual tones please. Anggaplah ini bonus buatmu.haha whatever.

Si cranky

Amna agak cranky 2-3 harini. 2-3 mlm tgh tdo menangis plak tp mata tutup.. mengigau kot.mlm td lepas tdo 2 jam bgn tgh malam nangis.
Tgk takde pape perkara pelik pun.. takde sakit perut ke apa.i suspect dia nk perhatian nak2 dia perasan daddy is around.tadi pun masa mkn biskut tetiba melalak.pastu menyusu n terus tdo.i suspect dia tergigit lidah kot.entah tp kekadang mmg menguji kesabaran. Mujur daddy ada.. nnti bila kita dok berdua please behave ye sayang.
Tapi mmg byk milestone dia sminggu dua ni.gig atas dh kluar 2 btg..rasenye akan tambah lg 1-2 btg.pastu dh reject blended food..yg dia lalu mkn makanan kita.so I suka hati la suap dia nasik.hehe tp lauk kna soupy or lembut2 sikit la. Sekian mommy akhirnya bersara dari blend bubur n baby food :) love2.
Tapi biasa la jadi mak2 tak pernah x risau..asik lah risau kenyang ke dia? Since dia mkn sama plate kita x dpt measure sgt brapa byk food intake dia.. hopefully she is well lah. And dia nmpak kurang chubby dh sbb sgt aktif asyik main jer..n dia juga suka sgt baca buku.n kena tunjuk guna jari ok! She now knows how to portray her dislikes..n siap amik tangan kita utk buat apa yg dia nk.inshort she can portrays her emotions now.so mummy yg pening kepala sbb kekang tak paham dia nk apa.kalo salah dia jerit n nangis.huhu sabar je lah.may u become anak solehah n membahagiakan mummy daddy ok sayang.love u bunch.n love daddy too :)

Ganglion cyst

I want to explain abit about ganglion cyst for others reference.

What is ganglion cyst?
Please google if u require medical terms about this.as of layman's term, it is actually a crystallized liquid from your joints that actually leaked out from its usual limited space (in between our joints) and combined and crystallized. After some time it might be as hard as your bone and it can grow bigger.

What is the cause?
Many reasons.some possible cause might be post trauma caused by a hard hit/terhentak/something heavy fell/you lift heavy objects.. my case I pun x sure.

Is it dangerous?
Well it depends on the type and also the location.if you found any bulge in your body, first thing first please see your doctor and never assume anything.if might be fat or ganglion cyst or something else. If its a real ganglion case, usually its not dangerous but eventually you are advise to remove it.

Is it common?
Yes according to my doctor.my boss had one at her finger and its so small but really painful.even the gp I first met to get GL had one.so it is quite common.

When do I need to remove it?
Again it depends on your condition.if it is very painful usually people remove it immediately.if it is so small and not painful perhaps you can ignore it.for my case it is not painful but it is relatively big and might get bigger, I plan my surgery so I can finish my urgent tasks in the office first before the surgery and recovery period.

Is it painful during removal? And post surgery?
I was fully anaesthetised so obviously I cant feel the pain.please get an orthopedic surgeon to do it coz they are the expert.my procedure lasted for about 40 mins and after I gained conscious I had a light meal and can go home right away(just a Day Care).however my hand was bandaged and I need to wear a splint mainly to minimize my movement for the wound to heal quickly.for the first few days my hand was swollen badly, doc said it might be tissue reaction post surgery.slowly it will subside and by a week you can remove the bandage and splint already. So by then you can slowly test your strength until you are fully recovered. I was given 2 weeks mc and I think the duration is just nice for recovery.

Is there any alternative to surgery?
You can opt to suct it out especially if it is small but there is a high risk of reoccurrence. Because the cyst actually comes with sarung or 'akar' so we need to removed everything.its like if you have a cyst the size of 20 cent coin, the real size might be 50cents like my nurse put it.

Blessings in disguise?
Yes for me because :
1.i can rest and pause a bit from my hectic job
2.i can watch my baby near her important milestone; she is about to walk!
3.my husband took a week's off and help me with the house chores.that is indeed a luxury for me
4.the pain naturally brings me closer to the Creator.oh this should be the #1 in my list

I miss u !

I just miss writing in this blog.its not that ive stopped writing because I have another personal blog that recorded Amna's milestone and some personal stuff that can only be accessed by mr and hubby.sweet bukan
.hewhew camni la LDR couples we still send sweet messages and ginggling n bermanja througj phone cam budak skola bercinta.ok please jgn muntah.
Ok then, ironically my last post
Was during my short unpaid leave - 1mo leave since my inlaw went for hajj. And this time also I am on short(long kot- 2 weeks) medical leave - I just had a minor surgery to remove a ganglion cyst at my left wrist.i suspected it was there for years because the size was big, and I just had to remove it before it kacau my blood vessels.so for a week I had my hand bandaged and wore a splint.yesterday the doc changed the dressing and he did quite a good job coz I didnt see any stitch mark.how ever the cut is quite long coz the cyst was just on my blood vessels so doc need to tarik ke tepi a bit and buang the cyst.cant imagine if it gets bigger..nauzubillah.so just recently I  am able to type but yet to write or apply full force using my left hand like memotong bawang ker so I believe another week is given for complete recovery :)
Ok alamak my baby just woke up.she actually talk in her sleep sometimes.so comel.ok bye.just lepas gian to blog here.perhaps I can write more coz I have another week at home.heehee ")