Tips Berpantang sendiri

This time around I stayed at Mom's for just 3 weeks after i delivered before we return back to our home in KL.So I am practically completing my confinement period in my own plus one active toddler to take care of.Hence i would like to share few tips for mommies to be out there yang teringin atau plan nak pantang sendiri in the near future.

1.Get all kind of help from your immediate families/any parties if possible.In my case my inlaw stayed occasionally in KL hence sometimes i just sent my elder to them for a daycare while i focus to my baby.Some of my friends hired confinement lady that can come everyday to help out during confinement,and i think this is a good idea and might consider it for future :p Kalau ada maid mmg settle la masalah di situ.

2.Stock up your food,snacks and toys supplies to keep your elder entertained..kalau diorang boring mmg tak menang tangan nk layan..dengan layan baby lagi -_- I personally cherish the moment of having both kids at home so i can feel how SAHM feels like everyday and eventually this will tighten the bond between mummy n choldren,also between both siblings.Like Amna,every hour dia kiss baby..huhu.

3.Cooking simple dish can be done when both children are asleep..in my case selalunya early morning.masak simple2 je yg boleh cater for me n my eldest i.e soup,telur goreng,grilled chicken camtu.

4.Throw your OCD obsession out of the window for a while.. nobody will judge ruang tamu yang bersepah or the piling dishes in the sink or even the mountain of clothes after laundry.i learnt some tricks from my friend i.e basuh pinggan 2x sehari je,laundry once daily etc..as long as it makes you happier to live throughout the day.

5.Keep calm and be patient..repeat 100 times.You know stress is the last thing you need at this moment.

6.Teach your baby to sleep in the cradle/babycot rather than in your arms.I just tried this with mine..obviously sometimes it worked,sometimes not.just cherish the moment and be patient..babies are not robots so eventually they will get tired and sleep.

Quick tips :10 biggest mistakes I made wrt breastfeeding

My first breastfeeding (BF) experience was bumpy and challenging.. to the extend I felt quite traumatic when I was confirmed to carry my second child in my womb months ago. Yes, I don't really fear pregnancy or labor as my experience for those were quite smooth and easy, alhamdulillah, but breastfeeding is another different story. Now that my first daughter is already 2.5 years old, I managed to look back and identified the mistakes I made so that I will be more successful for the second time.

10 biggest mistakes I made wrt breastfeeding

1) Although I delivered at a `breastfeeding-friendly' hospital, I did not get a special consultation from lactation consultant that is actually available in most of hospitals(I dont even know who to sought for help).Right after labor, they quickly send the baby for rooming in and left this first time mother figure out how to breastfeed by herself. Of course the act of breastfeeding is natural, however the knowledge and experience shared is vital for survival of fully breastfeed baby. Mind you, not everyone is blessed with overflowing milk with not much effort, some need trial and errors to make things happen. So a good advice from an expert is what you really need to keep the motivation high.

2) Apparently it was true that my milk did not flow properly/I did not provide milk for the baby even on the second day. The nurse told me my baby had crystallized urine and accused me for not giving enough milk to my baby (as initially I was determined to fully bf my baby). None of the bf forum or books that I read that mentioned about possibility of not having milk flow at all and resulted to baby having crystallize urine! At this point of time I have no choice but to allow them to feed formula milk to my baby. I cried hard and felt like a bad mother for not be able to give milk to my own baby.At this time, I was depressed and at the lowest point of my life. I constantly cried, not realizing that depression and unstable emotion did not help to establish a milk flow that was much needed by the baby.

3) I did not  have regular check ups for my baby after I discharged from the hospital. Do you know that you can register at the nearest Klinik Kesihatan and the nurses will come to check on mother and baby every few days to ensure both are healthy and baby's growth is according to the chart. Well I did not know about this back then. So after a month suddenly I suspect my baby might have a slight fever and we went to the paed near to our house (not my baby's paed), we found that my baby did not gain weight at all (luckily she did not lose weight!).The paed (he was my siblings paed and very old fashioned) scolded me for not giving enough milk to my baby and forced me to mix with formula milk. Again, I came home and cried hard and was desperate, so I mixed.

4) The paed I went to as per point 3) is NOT breastfeeding friendly. Going to him for advice (and followed his advice) was the biggest mistake I made so far.So please mommies, it is very important to seek help from baby/BF friendly doctor for any advise.

5) I realized I had a low milk supply hence scared to pump for milk during my baby's first month.Sounds stupid, right? But that's what I did. I just started pumping after I mixed with formula, so obviously the outcome was not satisfying.

6) I was constantly worried, depressed and cried every night, I think I was actually having a post natal depression. My baby was crying non stop every night even after she was full after feeding, and only sleep after dawn. I did not get enough rest, my milk supply was low, I still need to breastfed and well as making formula milk to feed my baby when she did not stop crying, and I was so grumpy at almost everyone.So yeah, that did not help at all.

7) I spent my confinement period at my mother's house. She did not breastfeed her children and my sister in law also did not too due to this mindset - we did not have enough milk for our babies, so it is normal to mix with formula. Although she did not stop me from breastfeed my baby, she constantly suggested to mix with formula since my baby seemed unrest every night. I don't have any support/advice.motivation that is highly needed for all BF moms who was having difficulties especially during confinement like me.

8) My husband was away in Brunei and only came home every 2/3 weeks. I felt like having no support and shoulder to cry on :( I did everything by myself from changing diapers, making formula milk at night, washing the bottles, etc. So everynight I cried when we had our daily Skype session.Sounds like a depressed young mother, I know. I was. It gets worse when I moved to my inlaws' house when I started to work. My inlaws are actually quite keen to help, but this stubborn, depressed, first time mom thought she is a supermom and determined to do everything by herself because she was hesitant/embarrassed/scared to get any help.

9) In most of BF forums or conversations that I followed, there are always these few ultra gung-ho BF moms who wrote/talked like difficulties in BF journey never exist, all mothers should be able to BF their babies easily and it is (almost) a sin to mix with formula for whatever reason. These people made people like me scared to seek for advice especially from strangers who were expert/claimed to be expert in BF. At last, we just tried our luck and see what actually works. If these people are more friendly and welcoming, I believe more mothers will be more successful in BFing.

10) Despite all the difficulties, I still continued pumping my milk when I get back to work. Well, the mothers room is not conducive (for me) and I pumped at other secluded place, and I was constantly embarrassed and depressed when other mothers boasted about how much milk they produced, or even to see the abundance of milk in the shared fridge at the office while mine was `kais pagi makan pagi'. When I had a very low milk supply during Ramadhan and not even able to get 1 oz in each pumping session, let alone the work commitment and urgent meetings to attend, finally I stop pumping milk at work. My daughter was 10 months this time and already fed on formula and solids. However I still nurse my daughter when I get home after work until she is almost 2 years.

 Well, I am not proud with my experience and it took me 2 years to actually have the courage and shared this with others; however I believe this sharing is important as I myself actually turned to Google when I need a quick fix for any problems. We all do, I believe. I will share on my latest experience on how I overcome the breastfeeding challenge for my second baby. Yes, I still face challenged in this topic (guess the luck was not on my side but Allah must have a better plan for me) but I will never give up and will not repeat my previous mistakes again.

Welcoming baby Adni

1. I started my medical leave about a week before my edd. Actually i was given 2 edd; 15/11 and 21/11, but my gut feeling trusted the first date.During my visit to my gunae on 5/11, she said baby was already very2 low and i might give birth anytime soon .acik adalah excited coz i always wanted early labor but nervous gak!

2. On the following weekends (8-9/11/2014), we constantly talked to baby to come out somewhere next week coz mummy nk gi jalan2 lg on the weekend but if possible i wanted to be earlier than edd coz i dont like waiting.

3. On 10/11 early morning, i started to feel contraction 15 mins apart.it lasted the whole day.Hubby called and i said it was still bearable (i dont want to go to hosp too early!mind you this was my first experience of natural contraction. Previously i was induced.

4. Come night time the pain was becoming unbearable and contraction was 5-8 mins apart. I tried to lie down,sit on gymball and makan2,until one point i was down on my knee and cried in pain.checked that i was leaking.my water broke! I guess this was the right time to go to hospital..luckily my MIL was at our house and took care of Amna who was sleeping.

5. 10/11 11.30pm we arrived at the hospital. I was straight away sent to labor room and already 4cm dilated.The contraction came and go but the nurse assured that i will only be fully dilated the next morning.

6.Meanwhile i was contemplating to take epidurak or not..the pain was so unbearable and i could not sleep. Hubby gave green light and i got my epidural shot. Although i can still feel the contraction waves, i managed to get a 2 hours sleep.

7.After subuh i felt like want to pass motion.Asked the nurses and they said baby was on the way down.. this time i felt like the epidural didnot work as i felt the contraction pain.asked the nurses when i can bersalin.. could not take it anymore.nurse checked and said i already 9cm dilated.just tunggu doctor datang katanya.

8.Doctor came at 7.15am.. checked me and said 'ok jom lah bersalin shahira' i was like 'jom doctor x sabar dah ni!' With just 2 pushes my baby came out to see the world at 8.10am,alhamdulillah.Allah eased my labor this time.My active labor lasted about 15mins.

9. We stayed at the the hospital for 4 nights merely due to my jaundice baby and also because i was dying to meet the lactating nurse to get her advice. Fyi my first breastfeeding experience 2 yrs ago was TRAUMATIC.i will share the details later.

Amna' s full conversations

I just need to capture these somewhere. Being 2 years 4 mo, Amna is in the midst of constructing full conversations and building creativity, sometimes i find it cute and hilarious although it makes me tak jadi marah.

Situation 1(subuh time)

Mummy: Amna why dont u finish ur susu?
Amna : taknak! (We communicate in both languages anyway so dont bother)
Mummy: if u dont want to finish, mummy gives your susu to cat..she loves your susu
Amna : tak boleh
Mummy: why?
Amna : cat tido.. (she noticed it was still dark outside)

Situation 2 (sleep time,lights off already but she still wide awake)

Mummy: mummy dah ngantuk ni, mummy tido dulu ok
Amna: ok.gelapnyer.. (went down the bed,took her frozen figurines and climb back the bed)
Mummy: dah tido2
Amna: (talked to her figurines) kristoff,olaf,jom tido.(changed voice) tanakkkk..
Mummy: (penat tahan gelak coz i suppose to pretend sleeping this time)

Omg i love this stage..she is so unpredictable and funny

Thumbs Up for Masjid Wilayah

9Since my last years’ experience bringing Amna to the nearby mosque near my house for Tarawikh prayer was not so successful, I was determined to realize my dream of bringing her to the mosque this year.

During last year’s Ramadhan, Amna just learnt to walk (about 1year 2 mo) hence this one fine night I brought her along while hoping she would play alone by my side when I perform my solat. Well it did not happen as expected. In my Isya’ prayer I was constantly anxious when she immediately got up and walk around, played with the sliding door (as the mosque is air conditioned) and almost got loose at the corridor. During my first 2 rakaat of terawih, she stumbled with another child and cried a bit. And then head straight to the door to go out as she was excited to see the older children played at the corridor. Then I managed to perform another 2 rakaat before I was left chasing around a small toddler whom happily running wild, almost trip the many, small stairs and almost got into the fountain in front of the mosque. So that was the only night I had my terawih in masjid in year 2013.

Hence this year, I was more prepared. Before Ramadhan I asked around for tips of bringing small child to a mosque for terawih prayers. One ustaz shared about few mosques that provided child care facilities (with caretaker) while the parents go for solat, among others are Masjid Wilayah Persekutuan (Jalan Duta) and Masjid UIA. One friend even shared similar service is provided by Masjid Hasanah, Bangi but this one is too far from my house. Another tips by a senior is to find mosque that performs 20 rakaat of solat terawih, and parents can take turns to take care of the children i.e. daddy can perform 8 rakaat, then take care of anak while Mummy can perform another 8 rakaat.

So when Ramadhan comes, in the earlier weeks I was not ready yet to go to the mosque due to many reasons – being fatigue, headache, Amna was being more energetic (uncontrollable?) than ever, etc. But most of all I think my mind was not ready and fully prepared yet. When 21 Ramadhan comes, I thought of giving it a try to optimize the Lailatulqadr hunt . Plus hubby came home with a good recommendation from his friend to go to Masjid Wilayah as the mosque is huge, child friendly, provides childcare, performs 20 rakaat of terawih and is the nearest to our house compared to Masjid UIA or Masjid Hasanah – the mosque fits all of our criteria perfectly. So off we go!

Well, Masjid Wilayah is indeed the most child friendly mosque I’ve ever been to. It provides a childcare center in a convenient location (very near to the prayer hall), with a lot of toys and mini playground to keep the children entertained. They even provides tv set and show Upin Ipin cartoon once in a while! I also like the policy of no parents/guardian allowed in the center, only the caretakers are allowed so it ensures safety of the kids (although parents yang tak pernah tinggal anak kat nursery like me felt quite unsure and odd at the
beginning when leaving my child there).

Of course there were some kids who refused to stay in the nursery, they are free to run around the mosque, even in the prayer hall. There were few masjid volunteers who guard the saf (especially the one between the male’s and female’s (no tirai) to make sure the kids would not interfere with the congregation prayer and saf. We even notice each of them hold some chocolates so if any kids get out of control, they handed them some  Never once I see or heard the masjid volunteers or even the Jemaah scold any kid for misbehave. I just love the ambience and experience.

When the scene had been set perfectly, one could only expect the best and ideal outcome – parents would be happily complete the solat terawih and children happily entertained in the nursery. However, I was not that lucky. It was ideal only on the first day, both me and hubby managed to performed solat while she was happy in the childcare. On the second day, we were late to arrive the mosque hence quite late to pick her up (need to complete our prayers). When hubby picked her up, she was already crying perhaps since most of the other kids had left and only a few still waiting for their parents. Mind you my child never been to nursery so this experience was kind of new to her. On the third day, perhaps still hurt from her previous day’s experience, when she entered the childcare door and realized that I was not following her, she tried to take my hand to join her. When I refused, dia pun refused to play in the room. I have no choice but to bring her along to the prayer hall where she enjoyed running around while eyeing my presence. So I need to wait until hubby finished, then only my turn for terawih. This time I need to pray by myself coz the mosque is having another majlis so they only do 8 rakaat + 3 witr.

Kalau nak ikut penat memang penat, rasa useless going to the mosque pun ada coz I don’t even had the chance to solat Jemaah but need to attend my kid instead. But look at it positively, bringing children to the mosque is not my personal affair alone, it is more to introduce mosque to the kids so they feel happy and enjoy the mosque ambience, and love the mosque even more when they grow up. Plus the least I can get is pahala iktikaf di masjid which was much better than praying at home right  Yes you heard me right, it doesn’t matter if you complete your terawih and witr or not, but look at the wholesome picture of getting the blessings in rumah Allah with your whole family  So parents of little kids, perhaps in the remaining few days of Ramadhan you can visit Masjid Wilayah Persekutuan for some family fun filled with barakah of Ramadhan, Insya Allah 

I would also like to extend my thanks to the masjid AJK and volunteers, for keeping the mosque clean, child friendly and inviting for the whole family. Oh did I mentioned there is a bazaar (trading place) at the lower level of the mosque? 

Modesty Starts Early

 I am quite disturbed to see the bizarre trend of Muslim mummies dressing up small girls with revealing outfits or even the ones that imitates the adults' not-so-modest fashion i.e. leather jeggings, super short skirts,two pieces bathing suits etc.. I know they are still small and look very cute and they don't carry any sins yet by wearing those clothes, but really, what actually do the parents want at the end of the day for their child?

Of course these little angels are still small and not to be blamed at all since all the clothes were chosen by the parents.. but do the parents aware of the impact or how the public (read : some dirty minded people) will react when they see these cuties in such a skimpy outfits ? Let's face it – not everyone had the purest of the pure, clean hearts and mind out there. And by dressing our kids with skimpy and revealing outfits does not help at all to improve our society.

To be honest, as a mother to a 2 year old daughter, I admitted the occasional temptations to dress up my child with cute, a bit revealing clothes especially when she was a baby.. Hence once I bought a spaghetti strap top with matching pants – I am sure you can find loads of such clothes in the baby department. But at the end of day, I felt quite uneasy and decided not to dress up my baby (she was 6 months old at that time) like that anymore. And this was not felt by me alone, but also by my husband. Recently we spent overnight at a hotel near a mall, and I brought her normal cotton dress but forgot the legging pants (that I usually matched with the top). Out of desperation we just dressed her up with that cotton dress which falls about 2-3 cms above her knee (abit short as I was not aware she was getting taller). We were so uneasy and ended up buying new clothes for her!

You see, among the reasons of our feeling and reaction perhaps because our little girl is very active and always runs around and more often than not, lying on the floor of shopping malls or hotels especially on the shiny tiles and carpets.. So sangatlah tidak sopan nampaknye if she wears revealing clothes or short dresses for that matter. Plus I don't like to see girls with skimpy outfits, either little or big girls as I am afraid that the parents will have a difficult time to explain when the time comes for them to cover their aurat.. How would I want to convince my child to cover up if I was the one who dressed her the opposite for the past 8-10 years (nauzubillah)? That is actually my greatest fear.

Hence please I hope all Muslim (or even the non-Muslim) mummies out there to start dressing up our girls modestly for the benefit of all. For example if you're buying swimming suit for your little girl, perhaps you can choose a wetsuit instead of bikinis.. For daily wear, I guess shirt and ¾ or long pants will do to replace the short pants and spaghetti straps.. Dresses are okay but match them up with long pantyhose or leggings to compliment the modest look. I mean, little girls are always cute no matter what they wear J

Let's instill the modesty in the early age so our work will be easier when they grow older. I don't believe in forcing people (or my own children) to cover aurah, perform solah etc, but I prefer if it comes with god understanding and volunteered by the girl herself. But isn't it best to nurture our own future caliphs since they were small J as the hadith saying (quoted loosely) children are like clean sheet white cloths, it's the parents who paints is red, blue or yellow.

LET'S DRESS UP MODESTLY PEOPLE J

Gazing

Mommy's dilemma

The biggest dilemma for ladies around my age, who just started a family and is expanding (physically, financially, socially), is none other than either to become working mother or stay at home mother(SAHM). It will always haunt us, I guess no matter which path we choose. For me, currently a working mother, I will unintentionally, every now and then think about my life if I chose to become a SAHM. Or even WAHM for that matter. Some of my friends even questioned me, `What am I doing here?!' when they learnt that until now I am still apart from the husband due to work commitment.However it is easier said than done, alot of factors need to be considered and it is not really about money. My child is already 1 year old and alhamdulillah I managed to raise her single handedly with strong support from both of my families.

I felt uneasy when some people portrayed that working mom is a norm and housewife is an extra mile.i believe on the total opposite.I do believe that stay at home mother is a norm, almost natural option every women need to choose. However since many women nowadays obtained high education level they are expected to work, and later when they start a family, big decisions need to be made for the family to function.So since stay at home mom is a norm (for me) I dont see any problem if graduated women chose to be a housewife rather than working in the field they had studied in school.

I have my reservations for both options.I believe all mothers are great regardless the path they choose..either working or stay at home.I have seen living evidences of successful mothers from both sides, whom raised successful children so it is always depend on individuals. My favourite mothers, whom are MY Moms are the examples of mothers from both sides and I actually learned a lot from their experience.My mom was a working mother for almost 30 years while my inlaw is a housewife. Both are supermoms in their own fields, that is all I can say.

And now I observed the trend of stay at home moms making small/online business from home and that is actually a great move to support the family financial state.And perhaps since most of these mothers have a high education background, they are equipped with sufficient knowledge to excel in this field, and have a network of friends supporting each other makes this move even more fun and easier. They can always choose to become traditional housewives whom only focus to raise the children and do the house chores, but these people made extra effort to become work at home moms.Most importsnt is they enjoy what they are doing.

Now lets look at the working moms.i believe most of them also have the option to quit and stay at home but they did not do for many reasons.Usually because they would like to practice what they have learnt in tertiery level, and also to contribute to the family's financial state.But some really have genuine passion to their work and actually performs well, more often they beat the men.And believe me some of these mothers managed to perform well as both mothers for their children and also as employees.They have the recipe to success which need to be perfected over time, and a strong determination and high discipline helps along the way.

However as a 'traditional' mom at heart I always believe that family must come first, work second.It is a huge bonus if the boss can accept occasional EL from the employees to attend a sick child, and allow half day leave to handle various family matters like my boss (thanks boss!). However please do not jeopardize the allowance because we work for an organisation and in all fairness, we need to perform and deliver the equal quality and quantity of job as what we are paid monthly. If that is too much to ask, then quit please and do what you enjoy the most.

So make the right choice for the benefit of your family, and KUDOS to all mothers who made it!!

A baby on a plane

Well im not an expert on this.i just had experienced carrying my baby for 4 return flights(1 long haul,the others are 2+ hrs flights) in less than 2months time.However it worth to note a few points as a guide for the anxious expected mothers out there especially the one who requested  me to jot down this little tips :-)
1.understand your baby.
I believe all mothers had different experience with baby on a flight.so basic rule is always to understand your baby-their sleeping patterns,poo routine etc.
2.mummy need to be calm and colllected.
Most first time mother will tend to overworry before deciding to carry and infant on board.we afraid that she will cry non stop, will be affected with the altitude difference,etc. Well you never know what you will face until u actually experience it,right? So dont worry much,just hop on the plane.if u are lucky your baby is easygoing and will sleep throughout the journey:-)
3.make sure baby's essentials in hand luggage.
It worth to bring along a bag special for baby's basic needs-milk,food,simple toys/books,some extra clothes,diapers, etc.if you plan to travel light,here's some tips:
i.if ur baby fully breastfeed,good for you coz it means less things to pack.but never forget your nursing cover ya.
ii.if your baby on formula,be ready of a bottle of milk siap bancuh before u check in.to top up,just bring the milk in single dispensable container and empty milk bottle.in flight,ask the stewardess to provide the warm water.you can also ask their help to clean the bottles for you.
iii.pillow and blanket are usually provided,no need to bring.
iv.baby cookies and simple food ie baby cereals is handy on plane.
V.put on long sleeves and long pants,i found baby sweater is renyah and no time to remove/wear to adjust with plane temperature.socks are essential!
4.baby handling
Baby feeding:bring along the essentials ie bottles/feeding bowl n spoon, etc.never forget baby bib!
Baby sleeping:usually when u check in with your infant they will allocate a seat with baby bassinatte.its good if ur baby can sleep by herself in the bassinate so you can be more comfortable once your baby asleep.my baby jenis light sleeper and bassinate mmg x membantu langsung
La kalau dah pantang bergerak je dia terjaga kan.btw AA short flights doesnt offer any bassinate.
Baby pooing:you can change the diaper in the toilet that have nappy change facilities.dont change at your seat!
Strollers are essential while travelling and should never be left behind.some mothers love to use sling, but if ur petite like me its not a good option.you may end up with body ache (just imagine normal baby at 2mo weighs 5+ kg.itu baru 2mo!)