Reminiscing 2016

Well, its been a while since I write my personal post here.

2016 was a colourful year.. and i hope 2017 will bring more good things ahead :)

My 2016 in a glance (if i can fairly summarize everything here) :

1. Since early of the year we attended the weekly kursus haji at the mosque near our house. We had appealed for Hajj this year after i declined the offer in 2014 due to pregnancy.. however His plan superseded all plans. We were not selected - nak dijadikan sebab adalah my appeal letter was missing/did not reach Tabung Haji! Well maybe belum rezeki.Tahun ni kami akan cuba lagi :)

2. My company's major restructuring that affected our job scope and way we do things. In a nutshell, we need to do more work with less resource. A number of friends got laid off.. so things were not the same again.

3. Slow global economy and low oil prices affected our lifestyle too.. we tend to be more prudent and cautious with our spending.

4. Our family trip to KK and Kundasang was the highlight of our family event. KK was SO HOT at that time while Kundasang's whether is worth the 3 hours hilly and bumpy ride!! We got to view Kinabalu Mountain every day, thanks to the clear air and good weather. We can even see the mountain peak post earthquake (tanah runtuh and different peak shape was evident).

5. Kids are getting bigger and cheekier.. Amna is certainly everybody's sweetheart, while Adni makin besar makin clingy and mengada :P Managed to completely wean her off in few days before the year ends.. so she is a proud wean off child at 2 years n 1 month. Not so far from my target (2 years)

6. Adni has severe eczema since Sept and we were in constant battle with her eczema which sometime makes both of us tired and cranky at the same time. Mind you its not easy to see your child constantly scratching hard her hand and legs until it bleeds.. and then we moisturized and applied medicine only to see her scratch again and the cycle continues. We met countless doctors and dermatologists. We learnt new type of treatment like wet wraps... we even tried many type of moisturizer and medicine just to see which suit her best. Our current favourite now is Mustela brand range.. it suits Adni very well. Cuma harga nya tak berapa suit Mommy's pocket huhu mahal gila! But not the most expensive in town i guess. You can find the products in Mothercare or selected pharmacies including Prince Court Hospital's.

And finally during our last visit, doctor prescribes antibiotics and antivirus since she might had infections due to constant scratching and perhaps contact with people/surroundings.. her condition improved a bit now. Owh just to share once we brought her to the beach and bath her with seawater, and her scars healed like magic. Maybe we should go to the beach more often.

7. I cooked more. Yeay!

8. I completed reading 10 books this year, so yeay!! Do you know that on average each Malaysian only read just 2 books per year, so I am above par i guess :P

9. I joined a whatsapp group that tracked daily Quran reading.. so more or less improve the frequency of my Quran recitation. Although i need to admit that i am quite lagged behind due to the time of the month and also, not proud to admit that some days i am too tired/busy to recite. Need to improve more in 2017.

10. I forgot this point earlier  but among the best thing happened in 2016 was I met Freshpicks and instantly fell in love with the product range. It is home made with love by my uni senior and using premium ingredients.. if you are like me who dream to make your own skincare to ensure the best ingredients to be used to your skin.. then Freshpicks is the best for you. Seriously! I really enjoyed the homemade soaps that is enriched with essential oils.. wangi sangat. Not to mention my most awaited product -homemade deodorant!!! OK i can rant for 10 pages about Freshpicks alone, so i better stop here. Dont worry i will be updating about Freshpicks from time to time :)
 May you to had a great 2016 and may 2017 be better.

I am a proud Ambivert

Definition of ambivert. : a person having characteristics of both extrovert and introvert.

I came across to an article in facebook today, about ambivert... and I am so happy at last i belong to a group. Hahaaaa

All this while i thought i am a weirdo.. I love socialising but at times i just love to be alone. Back in school, i was always in a group of girls. Primary school, secondary school and even in uni days :) i always always make sure i was not alone, even eating alone made me feels like i am a loser.

But when i grow older, i feel the need to be alone once in a while. i learn to enjoy alone time in public, like reading in bookstores, or eat at my favourite sushi joints, or just strolling/jogging in the park alone. But at the same time i always need to subscribe to a society, or clubs or group of people with same interests...which are beyond my circle of friends.... :) My current interest group includes this one ladies NGO, charity and latest is Freshpicks family :p But as usual, i need to have my me time once in a while to re energize and self motivate myself. 

So does the above made me an ambivert? :P

My own sweet time

Finally i managed to have my own time..and this is due to the sprained,swollen foot since i missed the last step at the stairs near my house last night.it was so painful and i can barely walk until now.its just icepack and bandages at the moment..dont even have time to go to clinic yet.

So here i am alone without the kids...kakak at playschool and adni with her wanmama.so when i am bored and unable to do the chores,i write.

Well to reflect back,i wish to capture few milestones so it wont slipped off my mind:
1. After 2 months of morning cries to school,Amna eventually embraced the fact that she need to go to school every weekdays morning.and she is happier to go to school now alhamdulillah.

2.However, ever since we establish a new schedule, sometimes when Amna is too tired,she tend to mengamuk and scream on top of lungs for hour.It was traumatic for us parents and we struggled hard to avoid reacting unwise in dealing with her tantrums..although sometimes we slipped as we just human. But most important for me is if even you're angry,please stay in control so you wont react beyond rationale..some people tend to speak harsh words,some throw things.please please try to control yourself when dealing with tantrum kids.

3.Adni is the cooler sister.She rarely cries but when she does,omg i think i want to pengsan.But its just fair since we need to cope with kakak also at the same time.

4.Adni gets his first tooth at 4mo.very impressive!

5.Me and hubby tried our best to get our moments together..recently we took half days leave to watch movies..eventhough the leave meant for baby's monthly checkup in the evening.The first time i managed to pumped my milk in the cinema..and i was confident the neighbours dont even realize it.A mummy need to do what mummy need to do!

6.like most mums,i prefer my weekends to be filled with activities with kids,whether at home or outdoor. It took me awhile to realise that it does not work the same with daddies. Their weekends means to fulfill their hobbies AND also spending time with kids.So you know, i am still trying to figure out the best solution to make end meets..

7. After 2 kids..packing things for a vacation even a short one is quite an issue.i always salah bajet baju and forget to bring their shoes etc..which rarely happened before this.

8. Now Amna has her daily logbook already and i enjoyed reading her caretaker's remarks.At the moment she is 'kelakuan baik tetapi masih memilih pakaian'. Hahaha this phase is very much confusing since she wants to select all her clothes..at the earlier stage she even wanted to wear the same clothes for 2 consecutive days.once we even ended up with her wearing hawaiian theme clothes to a wedding!

9.Thank God for a king framed bed as all of us still cosleeping.babycot currently serves as my temporary tudung shelf while Amna's room become Tokma's room since tokma always sleep there when she pay us a visit.

10.parenthood is enjoyable when you choose to.Negative feeling especially towards your spouse will never do any good to the family well being.and to plan quality time with your spouse is equally important as addressing the kids' needs.All the best to us all

Quick tips : Living with the Inlaws

This is a post that I longed to write but never be able to do it, until now. It's not that I don't have any idea what to write, but I intend to obtained more experience so I can share more with my readers. Well yes, I believe some of the wives already rolled their eyes when reading my post header. I said wives because perhaps it brings less impact to the husbands if they ever need to stay with their inlaws.

Ideally, I don't think living with the inlaws is the most exciting topic or situation to consider of think about especially for newly weds. Atleast for me, I was expecting a life of living with the husband and kids, in my own house by ourselves when I was married to the man I believe will make me happy for the rest of my life.

The truth hit me when me and my husband decided (reluctantly, for me)-that me and Amna need to stay at his parents' without him as he was still in long contract terms to serve in the neighbouring country. The maths is simple - it will resolve so many problems of long distance couples with small child such as caregiver, security, safety, ease of mind when working (for both parents), etc.

So now I will share a few tips for those who have no choice but to live with the inlaws, or actually making the decision to do so for whatever reasons.

1. I was blessed with inlaws that treat me like their own child. I know that not everyone had this privilege,and I am thankful to Allah for this. I know that some really need to deal with difficult inlaws, however you cannot erase the fact that you need to deal with them sooner or later since you're married with their son.Hence, most important thing to do first is to fine-tune your mindset because Rule#1-Believe that inlaws are not MONSTERS. They are equivalent to our parents, new set of parents that we recently know during our wedding day. It will last forever. I am not gonna kid you that I can accept the fact and be happy about it straight away. In my case, my family style and his was a total opposite, but of course we stick to the same set of Islamic value and such. Hence, it was a hard time for me in the beginning, regarding how warming and welcoming my inlaws are.

3. Rule #2- Avoid confrontation as much as you can. Believe me, before you find similarities, you will find more differences that sometimes can make you go crazy. I need to admit that I confronted alot during my early months of staying with my inlaws and it did not bring any good. I am embarrassed to recall it now, I envy their patience towards me, the stranger that live in their home.

4. Rule #3 - Don't be too fussy. You're living in their house anyway, not the other way round. For small things that can be ignored, please choose to ignore and accept their way rather than making it a big issue that leads to a bigger problem. Accept lah.. you're not perfect either. Kalau frustrated atau marah sangat, just text and call the husband and pour your feelings out.At least he is there to listen. Never ever confronting with the parents, you will menyesal all your life.

5.Rule #4- If you want them to do something your way (in my case especially in raising my child), the best way to do is get your husband to tell his parents rather than you tell them yourself. I've experimented many ways and believe this is the most suitable and effective thing to do without hurting any parties.

6. Rule #5 - Take your time and find the similarity between you and the MIL. Kalau tak jumpa langsung, try to find it lagi dan lagi dan lagi. Mesti ada. Then work on it, make it your daily conversation topic,etc. Ask your husband for more details.

6.Rule #6 - Try your best to pleased them. Belikan hadiah, bawa balik makanan sedap, buy some groceries to ease them and cheer them up (especially in my case yang makan,tido,basuh baju semua kat rumah inlaw). Macam mana kita gembirakan parents kita, macam tu la kita buat kat parents inlaw kita.

7.Rule #7 - Give them space. To play with their grandchild, to have conversations with their children. Tak perlu nak asyik menyibuk atau fikir kita je perlu perhatian 24/7. Know your boundary as a menantu,some family affair we might not need to intervene.

8.Last but I believe most important is -Uphold all the Islamic values whenever you're facing a conflict.All the adab2 sangat penting.. dan jangan lupa jaga aurat because you're living in someone else' house. Kalau husband ada adik2 lelaki atau ipar lelaki sah2 kena tutup aurat. Perkara ni walau bunyi nya senang tapi susah sangat.. again I need to admit that the first month I'm living with them, I had a hard time of covering up at home.Just imagine long sleeves and tudung for more than 15 hours (except when you're in your own room).What can I say, alah bisa tegal biasa. Its not an option pun, its a must.

OK setakat ni jeif ada lagi nanti I will add later. Again, I am not perfect and had my down moments, we had tense situation when both of me and my MIL cried anthe guys are trying to handle the situation.. you might experience that too.Its important to deal with the problems rather than avoid it..as it will stay and not go away.

 As of now, incase my inlaws are reading this... Mama and Abah, you are such a great people and among the strongest people I ever known in my life.Thanks for having me and being patient to your mengada manja cerewet menantu.. even my parents sometimes cannot tahan with my perangai tapi you made it through.. no wonder you were the parents to such a great souls - my husband. I could never repay what you've done to me and Amna specifically. THANKS ALOT MAMA, ABAH.

(I dont have the courage to tell it to them, I know I am penyegan like that)

Reset Minda Pekerja

One of my favorite tv program nowadays is Reset Minda bersama Prof Muhaya. I like her style of reminding others straight forwardly, without actually annoys or discomforts people. Just the style that suits me. One of the most memorable episode that I can really relate to my self and my situation is Reset Minda para pekerja.

If you ever experience perasaan tak suka pergi pejabat, tak suka bosses, tak suka colleagues, tak suka your work, rasa tak pernah dihargai dan 1001 macam lagi grievances related to work, well you should catch the re run of this episode in Astro Oasis. When I watch this episode, every single words uttered by Prof really hit me right on the face. I pernah rasa perasaan yang sangat teruk ni twice in my working life. Once when i just got married and my husband immediately was assigned to Vietnam and other places.. and sekali lagi masa i just gave birth to my baby and got back to work,where I need to stay with my inlaws coz they agreed to take care of my baby while I got to work. To think back during these two major downside of my life, both were related to fragile emotions due to  missing support by the husband and ALSO some problem in the office that i shall not detailed down here.

Well to relate back to the topic, the key concept that i learnt from the program me is focus on what we are giving, rather that we are given. We always see ourselves as most important person because we do good work for the company,more often we stretch our efforts to make ends meet, and we always expect something in return, sometimes even something extra at the end of the day. But sometimes we tend to forget that we are the one who apply to work for the company, and they have the rights to assess our work and decides whether we shall be given handsome bonus or not at the end of the year. And once the decision did not meet our expectation, our instinct is always to rebel and give less from what we always give, because it doesn't make any difference anyway. Because those persons whom give less but more visible, or please the bosses whom will get the extra perks and not us.

The paragraph above is actually a real case that always happen in the workforce, especially in my unit. It is because my current work is so monotonous, very operational and is always hectic through out the year. At least a project has phases, and perhaps you may get totally busy at any of the phase and once it was done, you may have a time period to cool down and reflects, suggest for rooms of improvements before the next project kick off. But not for my case. So the negative atmosphere is always clouding my units especially because most of the member of my units are quite experienced people, and we have experience working with different team and bosses that we could always compare our experience to.

For me, i am a self motivated person. For me motivational book doesn't help to increase my motivation, i will do the soul searching and find my inspiration so i can get the mood and actually enjoy what i am doing at work, so i can strive better and perform at my best level. So currently the work atmosphere doesn't bother me so much, as i now if i want to make the atmosphere better, i am the one who need to move forward. Not forcing or waiting for the scenario to change. For external motivation i look forward to programmes like Prof Muhaya's and also by reading biography books of famous and successful person.

So if you're feeling down and not wanting to wake up the next day to go to the office, please catch the rerun of this programme to get you inspired. We need to understand why we go to work and how to enjoy working, if we fail to feel the joy we might as well quit and do something else instead e.g. starting a business, etc. And please do it quickly, because the longer you stay, you might feel more miserable, and this will surely affect your performance, and you will be the excess baggage to your colleagues and company too.

Senjata yang hilang

Lately i think my emotion is more fragile for some reasons.. Mostly it was triggered by small things,sometimes so small its just not worthy in my daily life. Things which supposedly do not bug me too much, needless to say i realistically must be alot happier because ive reunited with my small family in this short but meaningful vacation. It is very meaningful, i would call it my (again)soul searching period to venture and define the options i may have in living my life.

I said options,  because iam not the ultimate planner of my life.it is purely His choice.its just that i hope i will see the lights and find the right path. Not the path that i desired, but the path that He desired and destined for me.Quoting Ust Hasrizal in one of his book, like the journey of Nabi Musa that found the oddest in life,and is there Nabi Khidir that will show me the rationale of each taqdir? Only my journey and mehnah is nothing compared to theirs, or even more people in the world who live a tougher life but still a strong devotees to Allah.

Who am i to choose what i want in life? What i want will not be necessarily the same as what He wants.
I only wanted what is best for me in life, according to His rule, that will guide me to Jannah.
I know to gain that is never easy,but small steps in the right direction will lead me to somewhere,right?
I need to make sure i am in the right direction. Maybe a few sidesteps along the way,but the direction is sure.macam arah mata angin.macam arah kiblat.
And how to ensure my direction is right, for me is to making the journey process right.
I need to readopt again all the methods and processes ive  known and learned before,which some i may had left along the way.its time to collect them back and of course, strengthen them.
I am talking about Muslims secret weapons.solat yang khusyuk and awal waktu, berjemaah mathurat, solat sunat-dhuha,tahajjud,qobliah bakdiah,taubat,hajat,witir, daily quran recitations,complete covering of aurats..and many more that  might have slipped somewhere along my journey.

I dont want to be diluted in the world of rich and famous, in the world of feeling superior and important, and the feeling of only me is right, others are wrong.
YA ALLAH! please save me from the worst feeling a person should have - hubbuldunya and forgetting akhirat.