Ujian selepas kahwin

(Continuation from previous post)

The real test for me after I got married...

My husband is always not around me due to work commitment... he went for vietnam assignment as soon as our marriage leave ends.Then few domestic assignments.. and again 2 mo work in Vietnam again.All this happened within our first year of marriage. As most of thd newly wed, I always wanted a baby as soon as I got married. But that did not happen too fast for me.. i was TTCing for a year and without a husband around thing are almost impossible. Staying alone at home did not help either...bila duduk sorang ni I realized we tend to be more fragile and syaitan tu senang nak bisik benda bukan2.When finally I received the good news, I was pronounced miscarried after 7 weeks. Alhamdulillah my husband is around at this time..amonth later he got a transfer letter to brunei...luckily I was very calm to receive the news. Alhamdulillah I tried go overcome the sadness and live my life.. then I was again pregnant after few months. I was living alone throughout my pregnancy, luckily myhusband came back everytime he had the chance. After delivered the baby, the option I had is to live with my inlaws as they took care of my baby when iam working. Recently we just celebrated our 4th anniversary and I am still living with my inlaws while husband still in brunei... with no significant indication when he would return for good.

There I summarized my experience in one paragraph. I know it means nothing to some and I am not trying to get your sympathy here as the highlight of my story would be in the next paragraph.

Despite all the unfavorable events, I felt blessed with many magical things that happened.

Magical is a layman term that can best described `I feel that Allah talks to me' in His own way. He heard my each and every prayers despite my inconsistency of tahajjud, dhuha and other ibadat.. now as I am typing this I am so ashamed of myself  -_- By hearing means the Creator did not just gave whatever that I wished, but He fated for the best, the ones beyond my imagination and capability of planning. I shall not detail everything that happened here, as I believe everyone as well had similar experience like me, if not better. There were times I feel so relieved with what is happening as I speak today. How calming sometimes being apart with your spouse, how happy myself and my daughter by living with the inlaws.. you know the odd things that you could not rationalize with your head without actually experiencing it.

Hence with faith like this I believe everyone, especially women out there can endure everything that happen and rationalize it before you keep on saying things to reasoning yourself but disturbing to others like :

Only TTCing woman understands the pain of TTCing.

Only single Mom understands the pain of another single Mom.

Only people with similar experience understand one another.
Your difficulty is a far cry than mine- so shut up.

I admit that those sentences were my own, once upon a time. But I dah insaf. And hopefully the momentum will stay as you know, women is so fragile, thinking about 50 things at once, harini OK esok emosi tak stabil balik. For me, the key of success is only one : to get nearer to your Creator. Itu je.

Sekian, semoga di hari2 down I di masa depan, Insya Allah I can re-read this post and heal my soul back.

Cheers :)

Tipula kalau tak jealous

Tipula kalau I tak jealous....

1. Tengok orang dating ngan husband hari2

2. Tengok orang gi kerja dihantar dan dijemput husband

3. Tengok orang yang mampu pergi outstation/event/program sebab husband ada tolong jagakan anak

4. Tengok orang yang tenang je kat rumah sebab husband tolong uruskan hal2 harian dari basuh baju, iron baju, kemas rumah etc

5. Tengok family yang weekendnya penuh aktiviti untuk seisi keluarga macam pergi park, shopping mall, program etc

6. Tengok orang yang mampu plan the weeks and comply to it without dail

7. Tengok orang yang boleh gilir2 cuti ngan husband utk jaga anak bila caretaker bercuti

8. Tengok orang yang mudah nak plan dptkan anak siap specific lg jarak berapa tahun etc..

Tipulah kalau tak jelous. Perasaan tu satu fitrah bagi manusia terutama yang tak dapat depan mata padahal orang lain dapat je tanpa banyak effort. I pun x terkecuali dalam hal ni.. and honestly it takes some time to heal or find the rationale.

For me it doesnt matter, you deserve to grief for a while but dont take too long to heal, ok dear? Coz things like this is beyond our control, and no matter hard we try, if Allah has other plan for you it will never ever work.

For me, at this point of time where my emotion is most stable, the trick is to always sedar yang kita ni hamba. Siapa kita ni nak marah2 when our life turns to be the total opposite from what we dream. Sebab Pencipta kita itu tahu semuanya..

Looking back, I admit that my life journey is quite easy and straightforward. I was never the best in school but always in the top3 in primary school, top10 in secondary. My parents were the easygoing ones who always support and allow me to do whatever I want. I want to go to the boarding school and was selected.I never prepared for my scholarship interview for uni but got the offer. I met my right guy in uni who was from my hometown and got married. I never had financial problem as far as I am concern, alhamdulillah. As I said, I was never the best and some things do happen not the way I wanted I.e I dont get to further my study overseas and did not obtain a first class degree, but almost everything in my life falls nicely into places.... until I got married.

Allah uji I lepas I got married....
(To be continued)

Malaysian's annual shopping spree

I am writing live from the biggest n most popular book fair in Malaysia which is held annually, the BBW. After many years of missing the event, this year I decided to join the fun not once, but twice.Coincidentally I went to BBW on its first day and its last day, both was and is still a grabbing book spree. I mean, no one can resist cheap books, right?

To be honest I have not finish even a single book from the bunch that I bought last 10 days (with exception of Amna's books). And I am still buying few, ahsm, a number of books today, only this time I limit my buy to non fictions and focus the title for the whole family interest. I was also quite amazed to find many people already throng the place, with little children towing behind parents, in this early hours.  It was indeed an impressive sight.

Then come the real question;  can we really finish reading all the books that we bought? Or would it be another fillers to our towering bookshelves? Or do we just love the shopping part and this event is the most guilt free shopping spree one can ever have, so why miss it!

With the anecdote, let us vow to finish reading all the books we bought in BBW. All the best to you and me !

Choose the best supplement for your body

Assalamualaykum and hi,

Maybe you might be wondering why the sudden hike of eagerness  I had for supplements. Well, it is not actually so sudden. And it is not obviously a peer pressure as well (since now supplements are a booming thing and everyone seems to be a supplier).

I am the type that always watch my food intake since I could not get myself (yet) to exercise as often as I want to, blame the 8-5 working hours and a maidless,single-mom-by-location status I carry now. Although I inherited my Dad's genetic who hardly gain weight regardless what or how much we eat, and I  never over eat (thanks to the limited belly storage I have), those advantages do not permit me to stuff everything or anything inside my body. I was grateful to have the silent conversations in my head everytime I crave for anything too sweet or too oily or too salty, and its just once in a while that I override those conversations and had those guilty pleasure food instead and worry immediately after that . I worked in a shopping mall for record, and this was not easy :)

However don't get me wrong. I enjoy good food a lot especially when my husband is around. I would read in the internet, and newspapers/magazines and marked the recommended food joints so we can hunt for it later. So rest assured, I am as normal as you. Its just that when I had a meal that is not balanced (which is most often are veges/fruits), my mind will wonder on how to recover the missing component of a balanced diet. Hence I come out with a priority list of what to consume whenever I had one imbalanced meal for the day :

1) Get myself some fruits/veges/nuts as snacks. Always have these as regulars in your food stock basket.
2) Get myself some health supplements!!

For me, we should never be stingy to get the best food for our consumption, as our body is our most important asset in life.Even if one slice of papaya costs you RM2 (because you bought it in a classy shopping mall), it is the best investment for your health if you're unable to find other cheaper option for that particular day. Of course, it is best if you can go down to the fruit market and get your fresh supply of fruits and veges.
Same concept can be applied to supplements. I know supplements industry is booming right now, and we can even see people producing their own brand/product since the demand is very high. However, my philosophy in buying good is always go for good quality products that is endorsed by the authorized personnel.

I have tried few supplement brands before this, and what I can say is people stick to the best brand personally for their own selves. For more proactive ones, they start to recommend and promote the products that worked wonders to to their family, friends and even strangers so it can do the same wonders to them too. And actually product loyalty brings more benefit to you as you can focus your research to one brand and you can actually save your money since loyal members usually enjoys more benefit then the other customers.

So choose wisely. Happy exploring :)