My own sweet time

Finally i managed to have my own time..and this is due to the sprained,swollen foot since i missed the last step at the stairs near my house last night.it was so painful and i can barely walk until now.its just icepack and bandages at the moment..dont even have time to go to clinic yet.

So here i am alone without the kids...kakak at playschool and adni with her wanmama.so when i am bored and unable to do the chores,i write.

Well to reflect back,i wish to capture few milestones so it wont slipped off my mind:
1. After 2 months of morning cries to school,Amna eventually embraced the fact that she need to go to school every weekdays morning.and she is happier to go to school now alhamdulillah.

2.However, ever since we establish a new schedule, sometimes when Amna is too tired,she tend to mengamuk and scream on top of lungs for hour.It was traumatic for us parents and we struggled hard to avoid reacting unwise in dealing with her tantrums..although sometimes we slipped as we just human. But most important for me is if even you're angry,please stay in control so you wont react beyond rationale..some people tend to speak harsh words,some throw things.please please try to control yourself when dealing with tantrum kids.

3.Adni is the cooler sister.She rarely cries but when she does,omg i think i want to pengsan.But its just fair since we need to cope with kakak also at the same time.

4.Adni gets his first tooth at 4mo.very impressive!

5.Me and hubby tried our best to get our moments together..recently we took half days leave to watch movies..eventhough the leave meant for baby's monthly checkup in the evening.The first time i managed to pumped my milk in the cinema..and i was confident the neighbours dont even realize it.A mummy need to do what mummy need to do!

6.like most mums,i prefer my weekends to be filled with activities with kids,whether at home or outdoor. It took me awhile to realise that it does not work the same with daddies. Their weekends means to fulfill their hobbies AND also spending time with kids.So you know, i am still trying to figure out the best solution to make end meets..

7. After 2 kids..packing things for a vacation even a short one is quite an issue.i always salah bajet baju and forget to bring their shoes etc..which rarely happened before this.

8. Now Amna has her daily logbook already and i enjoyed reading her caretaker's remarks.At the moment she is 'kelakuan baik tetapi masih memilih pakaian'. Hahaha this phase is very much confusing since she wants to select all her clothes..at the earlier stage she even wanted to wear the same clothes for 2 consecutive days.once we even ended up with her wearing hawaiian theme clothes to a wedding!

9.Thank God for a king framed bed as all of us still cosleeping.babycot currently serves as my temporary tudung shelf while Amna's room become Tokma's room since tokma always sleep there when she pay us a visit.

10.parenthood is enjoyable when you choose to.Negative feeling especially towards your spouse will never do any good to the family well being.and to plan quality time with your spouse is equally important as addressing the kids' needs.All the best to us all

Tips Berpantang sendiri

This time around I stayed at Mom's for just 3 weeks after i delivered before we return back to our home in KL.So I am practically completing my confinement period in my own plus one active toddler to take care of.Hence i would like to share few tips for mommies to be out there yang teringin atau plan nak pantang sendiri in the near future.

1.Get all kind of help from your immediate families/any parties if possible.In my case my inlaw stayed occasionally in KL hence sometimes i just sent my elder to them for a daycare while i focus to my baby.Some of my friends hired confinement lady that can come everyday to help out during confinement,and i think this is a good idea and might consider it for future :p Kalau ada maid mmg settle la masalah di situ.

2.Stock up your food,snacks and toys supplies to keep your elder entertained..kalau diorang boring mmg tak menang tangan nk layan..dengan layan baby lagi -_- I personally cherish the moment of having both kids at home so i can feel how SAHM feels like everyday and eventually this will tighten the bond between mummy n choldren,also between both siblings.Like Amna,every hour dia kiss baby..huhu.

3.Cooking simple dish can be done when both children are asleep..in my case selalunya early morning.masak simple2 je yg boleh cater for me n my eldest i.e soup,telur goreng,grilled chicken camtu.

4.Throw your OCD obsession out of the window for a while.. nobody will judge ruang tamu yang bersepah or the piling dishes in the sink or even the mountain of clothes after laundry.i learnt some tricks from my friend i.e basuh pinggan 2x sehari je,laundry once daily etc..as long as it makes you happier to live throughout the day.

5.Keep calm and be patient..repeat 100 times.You know stress is the last thing you need at this moment.

6.Teach your baby to sleep in the cradle/babycot rather than in your arms.I just tried this with mine..obviously sometimes it worked,sometimes not.just cherish the moment and be patient..babies are not robots so eventually they will get tired and sleep.

Quick tips :10 biggest mistakes I made wrt breastfeeding

My first breastfeeding (BF) experience was bumpy and challenging.. to the extend I felt quite traumatic when I was confirmed to carry my second child in my womb months ago. Yes, I don't really fear pregnancy or labor as my experience for those were quite smooth and easy, alhamdulillah, but breastfeeding is another different story. Now that my first daughter is already 2.5 years old, I managed to look back and identified the mistakes I made so that I will be more successful for the second time.

10 biggest mistakes I made wrt breastfeeding

1) Although I delivered at a `breastfeeding-friendly' hospital, I did not get a special consultation from lactation consultant that is actually available in most of hospitals(I dont even know who to sought for help).Right after labor, they quickly send the baby for rooming in and left this first time mother figure out how to breastfeed by herself. Of course the act of breastfeeding is natural, however the knowledge and experience shared is vital for survival of fully breastfeed baby. Mind you, not everyone is blessed with overflowing milk with not much effort, some need trial and errors to make things happen. So a good advice from an expert is what you really need to keep the motivation high.

2) Apparently it was true that my milk did not flow properly/I did not provide milk for the baby even on the second day. The nurse told me my baby had crystallized urine and accused me for not giving enough milk to my baby (as initially I was determined to fully bf my baby). None of the bf forum or books that I read that mentioned about possibility of not having milk flow at all and resulted to baby having crystallize urine! At this point of time I have no choice but to allow them to feed formula milk to my baby. I cried hard and felt like a bad mother for not be able to give milk to my own baby.At this time, I was depressed and at the lowest point of my life. I constantly cried, not realizing that depression and unstable emotion did not help to establish a milk flow that was much needed by the baby.

3) I did not  have regular check ups for my baby after I discharged from the hospital. Do you know that you can register at the nearest Klinik Kesihatan and the nurses will come to check on mother and baby every few days to ensure both are healthy and baby's growth is according to the chart. Well I did not know about this back then. So after a month suddenly I suspect my baby might have a slight fever and we went to the paed near to our house (not my baby's paed), we found that my baby did not gain weight at all (luckily she did not lose weight!).The paed (he was my siblings paed and very old fashioned) scolded me for not giving enough milk to my baby and forced me to mix with formula milk. Again, I came home and cried hard and was desperate, so I mixed.

4) The paed I went to as per point 3) is NOT breastfeeding friendly. Going to him for advice (and followed his advice) was the biggest mistake I made so far.So please mommies, it is very important to seek help from baby/BF friendly doctor for any advise.

5) I realized I had a low milk supply hence scared to pump for milk during my baby's first month.Sounds stupid, right? But that's what I did. I just started pumping after I mixed with formula, so obviously the outcome was not satisfying.

6) I was constantly worried, depressed and cried every night, I think I was actually having a post natal depression. My baby was crying non stop every night even after she was full after feeding, and only sleep after dawn. I did not get enough rest, my milk supply was low, I still need to breastfed and well as making formula milk to feed my baby when she did not stop crying, and I was so grumpy at almost everyone.So yeah, that did not help at all.

7) I spent my confinement period at my mother's house. She did not breastfeed her children and my sister in law also did not too due to this mindset - we did not have enough milk for our babies, so it is normal to mix with formula. Although she did not stop me from breastfeed my baby, she constantly suggested to mix with formula since my baby seemed unrest every night. I don't have any support/advice.motivation that is highly needed for all BF moms who was having difficulties especially during confinement like me.

8) My husband was away in Brunei and only came home every 2/3 weeks. I felt like having no support and shoulder to cry on :( I did everything by myself from changing diapers, making formula milk at night, washing the bottles, etc. So everynight I cried when we had our daily Skype session.Sounds like a depressed young mother, I know. I was. It gets worse when I moved to my inlaws' house when I started to work. My inlaws are actually quite keen to help, but this stubborn, depressed, first time mom thought she is a supermom and determined to do everything by herself because she was hesitant/embarrassed/scared to get any help.

9) In most of BF forums or conversations that I followed, there are always these few ultra gung-ho BF moms who wrote/talked like difficulties in BF journey never exist, all mothers should be able to BF their babies easily and it is (almost) a sin to mix with formula for whatever reason. These people made people like me scared to seek for advice especially from strangers who were expert/claimed to be expert in BF. At last, we just tried our luck and see what actually works. If these people are more friendly and welcoming, I believe more mothers will be more successful in BFing.

10) Despite all the difficulties, I still continued pumping my milk when I get back to work. Well, the mothers room is not conducive (for me) and I pumped at other secluded place, and I was constantly embarrassed and depressed when other mothers boasted about how much milk they produced, or even to see the abundance of milk in the shared fridge at the office while mine was `kais pagi makan pagi'. When I had a very low milk supply during Ramadhan and not even able to get 1 oz in each pumping session, let alone the work commitment and urgent meetings to attend, finally I stop pumping milk at work. My daughter was 10 months this time and already fed on formula and solids. However I still nurse my daughter when I get home after work until she is almost 2 years.

 Well, I am not proud with my experience and it took me 2 years to actually have the courage and shared this with others; however I believe this sharing is important as I myself actually turned to Google when I need a quick fix for any problems. We all do, I believe. I will share on my latest experience on how I overcome the breastfeeding challenge for my second baby. Yes, I still face challenged in this topic (guess the luck was not on my side but Allah must have a better plan for me) but I will never give up and will not repeat my previous mistakes again.

Welcoming baby Adni

1. I started my medical leave about a week before my edd. Actually i was given 2 edd; 15/11 and 21/11, but my gut feeling trusted the first date.During my visit to my gunae on 5/11, she said baby was already very2 low and i might give birth anytime soon .acik adalah excited coz i always wanted early labor but nervous gak!

2. On the following weekends (8-9/11/2014), we constantly talked to baby to come out somewhere next week coz mummy nk gi jalan2 lg on the weekend but if possible i wanted to be earlier than edd coz i dont like waiting.

3. On 10/11 early morning, i started to feel contraction 15 mins apart.it lasted the whole day.Hubby called and i said it was still bearable (i dont want to go to hosp too early!mind you this was my first experience of natural contraction. Previously i was induced.

4. Come night time the pain was becoming unbearable and contraction was 5-8 mins apart. I tried to lie down,sit on gymball and makan2,until one point i was down on my knee and cried in pain.checked that i was leaking.my water broke! I guess this was the right time to go to hospital..luckily my MIL was at our house and took care of Amna who was sleeping.

5. 10/11 11.30pm we arrived at the hospital. I was straight away sent to labor room and already 4cm dilated.The contraction came and go but the nurse assured that i will only be fully dilated the next morning.

6.Meanwhile i was contemplating to take epidurak or not..the pain was so unbearable and i could not sleep. Hubby gave green light and i got my epidural shot. Although i can still feel the contraction waves, i managed to get a 2 hours sleep.

7.After subuh i felt like want to pass motion.Asked the nurses and they said baby was on the way down.. this time i felt like the epidural didnot work as i felt the contraction pain.asked the nurses when i can bersalin.. could not take it anymore.nurse checked and said i already 9cm dilated.just tunggu doctor datang katanya.

8.Doctor came at 7.15am.. checked me and said 'ok jom lah bersalin shahira' i was like 'jom doctor x sabar dah ni!' With just 2 pushes my baby came out to see the world at 8.10am,alhamdulillah.Allah eased my labor this time.My active labor lasted about 15mins.

9. We stayed at the the hospital for 4 nights merely due to my jaundice baby and also because i was dying to meet the lactating nurse to get her advice. Fyi my first breastfeeding experience 2 yrs ago was TRAUMATIC.i will share the details later.

Feelings and Counting Blessings

When you plan for so many things but it turned out not the actual way you plan, think about it as a rezeki in different form.

At the end of the day, you will see that everything that happened actually made sense especially when you finally see the rationale of everything that happened; although initially you were puzzled (and perhaps crushed) why it turned out that way.

That summarized my feelings right now. And am counting my blessings, Alhamdulillah Allahuakbar.

Product review: Airfryer

I've been wanting to get this thing since it was launched but only manages to get hold of it recently (when my friend sell at a very reasonable price 😅).  

What i can say,if youre a sucker of fried food of any kind or your children are,please get one.you wont regret.one pan worth of fries or chicken drummet only need one spoon oil or less,or for some recipe (esp store bought frozen food since it usually already contain some oil prior the freezing process) even none! Highly recommended :)

Amna' s full conversations

I just need to capture these somewhere. Being 2 years 4 mo, Amna is in the midst of constructing full conversations and building creativity, sometimes i find it cute and hilarious although it makes me tak jadi marah.

Situation 1(subuh time)

Mummy: Amna why dont u finish ur susu?
Amna : taknak! (We communicate in both languages anyway so dont bother)
Mummy: if u dont want to finish, mummy gives your susu to cat..she loves your susu
Amna : tak boleh
Mummy: why?
Amna : cat tido.. (she noticed it was still dark outside)

Situation 2 (sleep time,lights off already but she still wide awake)

Mummy: mummy dah ngantuk ni, mummy tido dulu ok
Amna: ok.gelapnyer.. (went down the bed,took her frozen figurines and climb back the bed)
Mummy: dah tido2
Amna: (talked to her figurines) kristoff,olaf,jom tido.(changed voice) tanakkkk..
Mummy: (penat tahan gelak coz i suppose to pretend sleeping this time)

Omg i love this stage..she is so unpredictable and funny

Ending the LDR and starting new life

Its been almost 3 months since my husband came back to KL for good. It means that our long distance relationship (LDR) for 3 years is finally over alhamdulillah :) The truth is throughout my married life, we only live together for a couple of months as before his Brunei assignment, he was always on long assignments in different projects, hence it is fair to say we're finally starting over.

Well, obviously this is the best happen to any LDR wives out there, but little that I know is the need of change and readjusting to normal life is not really a breeze and sometimes may be quite challenging.

1.Suddenly you have a partner to go and back from work. My habit of having my own sweet time every morning (sometimes I do sleep back after the Subuh prayer, and go to the office at 8.40am because I dont feel like coming early that day) is quite irrelevant anymore since I need to consider his morning meetings,etc. And he is quite reluctant to take the LRT hence we need to arrange of season parking near the office, and some mornings we need to send our child to the grandma's since we have 2 homes to man now hence it took more time off my usual morning routine.

2.Obviously, more house chores and laundry is waiting at home :P I dont mind washing and folding clothes but ironing is such a different story altogether. I always wonder why women's clothes are easier to iron hence quicker, as my routine is to iron MY clothes every morning before I go to work. But men's clothes always take more than 30 minutes (why dont  the men's shirt manufacturers make shirts from iron-free materials??)! Of course tak sempat if I want to iron both of our clothes every morning! Don't talk about weekends because we're rarely at home hence ironing a one week's stock is out of question for my situation. Finally I manage to convince the husband to take his cothes for ironing at the nearby laundry shop.. phew that lifts my workload alot. Also the guilt of hardly cooking any meal for the husband especially on weekdays.. usually we eat at our inlaws or outside and although my husband dont really mind his dear wife is rarely cook, but the guilt is a must for all wives I guess.

3. The different ideas on how we spend our out of office time sometimes makes me go crazy. While sometimes I carefully plan for a family weekends or attend usrah or programs at night, he would surprise me with his adhoc outstation, late meetings, adhoc golfing, meeting friends etc. While his is always `urgent' and `important' as if mine was not, this is where diplomatic conversation is really crucial to avoid miscommunation and get a win-win situation. So expect some confrontation and drama but at the end of the day, just dont drag any emotional or communication breakdown for too long; focus to sort the problems out soonest possible.

4.While the three points listed above is the challenge, one cant deny the perks and joy of having a husband by your side. The lesser burden of having to manage the house and kid on your own, a driver to drive you to most of your destination, a person to carry your groceries, a person to entertain your kid to sleep when Mummy is too tired or sick and most importantly Amna is evidently very happy with his Daddy's presence that of course makes Mummy happier.

5.Among unexpected thing that happened when the husband finally come home for good is, suddenly he brought back with him loads of clothes and stuff that we dont have enough storage in our tiny crib. I remembered he departed few years ago with only 2 bags and now these?! Hence we decided to get a new,bigger wardrobe for all the stuff. And when we plan for that, suddenly we felt that it was high time to refurbish the house abit since it looks exactly the same as 4 years ago (our apartment is a fully furnished unit when we bought it, even the curtains were 4 years old and never been washed!). Hence the small plan become a major thing and as of my writing now, the refurbishing work is still in progress and the house still looks like a ship wreck. So forgive me if i did not invite anyone to my house for Raya, promise I will invite you next year :)

Well that's a summary of my life after giving up the LDR wife title for good. I pray for other LDR wives to stay cool and collected, as you're one superwoman, ladies! The experience is priceless I must say, as it prepares you for anything, anytime. Now I can casually and coolly say `OK' when my husband break the news to go outstation/offshore the very next day (yes adhoc assignment is a norm).Cool right? We also knows where and when to pay the bills (trivia: do you know how many bills your husband need to pay every month?), who to call when the pipe is leaking or car battery is flat, you know the things that may be taken for granted when the hubby is constantly around.And needless to say, the whole situation brings us closer to the family as they are our lifesaver more often than not. Talk about the benefits of having both parents near you :) TTYL :)

Thumbs Up for Masjid Wilayah

9Since my last years’ experience bringing Amna to the nearby mosque near my house for Tarawikh prayer was not so successful, I was determined to realize my dream of bringing her to the mosque this year.

During last year’s Ramadhan, Amna just learnt to walk (about 1year 2 mo) hence this one fine night I brought her along while hoping she would play alone by my side when I perform my solat. Well it did not happen as expected. In my Isya’ prayer I was constantly anxious when she immediately got up and walk around, played with the sliding door (as the mosque is air conditioned) and almost got loose at the corridor. During my first 2 rakaat of terawih, she stumbled with another child and cried a bit. And then head straight to the door to go out as she was excited to see the older children played at the corridor. Then I managed to perform another 2 rakaat before I was left chasing around a small toddler whom happily running wild, almost trip the many, small stairs and almost got into the fountain in front of the mosque. So that was the only night I had my terawih in masjid in year 2013.

Hence this year, I was more prepared. Before Ramadhan I asked around for tips of bringing small child to a mosque for terawih prayers. One ustaz shared about few mosques that provided child care facilities (with caretaker) while the parents go for solat, among others are Masjid Wilayah Persekutuan (Jalan Duta) and Masjid UIA. One friend even shared similar service is provided by Masjid Hasanah, Bangi but this one is too far from my house. Another tips by a senior is to find mosque that performs 20 rakaat of solat terawih, and parents can take turns to take care of the children i.e. daddy can perform 8 rakaat, then take care of anak while Mummy can perform another 8 rakaat.

So when Ramadhan comes, in the earlier weeks I was not ready yet to go to the mosque due to many reasons – being fatigue, headache, Amna was being more energetic (uncontrollable?) than ever, etc. But most of all I think my mind was not ready and fully prepared yet. When 21 Ramadhan comes, I thought of giving it a try to optimize the Lailatulqadr hunt . Plus hubby came home with a good recommendation from his friend to go to Masjid Wilayah as the mosque is huge, child friendly, provides childcare, performs 20 rakaat of terawih and is the nearest to our house compared to Masjid UIA or Masjid Hasanah – the mosque fits all of our criteria perfectly. So off we go!

Well, Masjid Wilayah is indeed the most child friendly mosque I’ve ever been to. It provides a childcare center in a convenient location (very near to the prayer hall), with a lot of toys and mini playground to keep the children entertained. They even provides tv set and show Upin Ipin cartoon once in a while! I also like the policy of no parents/guardian allowed in the center, only the caretakers are allowed so it ensures safety of the kids (although parents yang tak pernah tinggal anak kat nursery like me felt quite unsure and odd at the
beginning when leaving my child there).

Of course there were some kids who refused to stay in the nursery, they are free to run around the mosque, even in the prayer hall. There were few masjid volunteers who guard the saf (especially the one between the male’s and female’s (no tirai) to make sure the kids would not interfere with the congregation prayer and saf. We even notice each of them hold some chocolates so if any kids get out of control, they handed them some  Never once I see or heard the masjid volunteers or even the Jemaah scold any kid for misbehave. I just love the ambience and experience.

When the scene had been set perfectly, one could only expect the best and ideal outcome – parents would be happily complete the solat terawih and children happily entertained in the nursery. However, I was not that lucky. It was ideal only on the first day, both me and hubby managed to performed solat while she was happy in the childcare. On the second day, we were late to arrive the mosque hence quite late to pick her up (need to complete our prayers). When hubby picked her up, she was already crying perhaps since most of the other kids had left and only a few still waiting for their parents. Mind you my child never been to nursery so this experience was kind of new to her. On the third day, perhaps still hurt from her previous day’s experience, when she entered the childcare door and realized that I was not following her, she tried to take my hand to join her. When I refused, dia pun refused to play in the room. I have no choice but to bring her along to the prayer hall where she enjoyed running around while eyeing my presence. So I need to wait until hubby finished, then only my turn for terawih. This time I need to pray by myself coz the mosque is having another majlis so they only do 8 rakaat + 3 witr.

Kalau nak ikut penat memang penat, rasa useless going to the mosque pun ada coz I don’t even had the chance to solat Jemaah but need to attend my kid instead. But look at it positively, bringing children to the mosque is not my personal affair alone, it is more to introduce mosque to the kids so they feel happy and enjoy the mosque ambience, and love the mosque even more when they grow up. Plus the least I can get is pahala iktikaf di masjid which was much better than praying at home right  Yes you heard me right, it doesn’t matter if you complete your terawih and witr or not, but look at the wholesome picture of getting the blessings in rumah Allah with your whole family  So parents of little kids, perhaps in the remaining few days of Ramadhan you can visit Masjid Wilayah Persekutuan for some family fun filled with barakah of Ramadhan, Insya Allah 

I would also like to extend my thanks to the masjid AJK and volunteers, for keeping the mosque clean, child friendly and inviting for the whole family. Oh did I mentioned there is a bazaar (trading place) at the lower level of the mosque? 

Modesty Starts Early

 I am quite disturbed to see the bizarre trend of Muslim mummies dressing up small girls with revealing outfits or even the ones that imitates the adults' not-so-modest fashion i.e. leather jeggings, super short skirts,two pieces bathing suits etc.. I know they are still small and look very cute and they don't carry any sins yet by wearing those clothes, but really, what actually do the parents want at the end of the day for their child?

Of course these little angels are still small and not to be blamed at all since all the clothes were chosen by the parents.. but do the parents aware of the impact or how the public (read : some dirty minded people) will react when they see these cuties in such a skimpy outfits ? Let's face it – not everyone had the purest of the pure, clean hearts and mind out there. And by dressing our kids with skimpy and revealing outfits does not help at all to improve our society.

To be honest, as a mother to a 2 year old daughter, I admitted the occasional temptations to dress up my child with cute, a bit revealing clothes especially when she was a baby.. Hence once I bought a spaghetti strap top with matching pants – I am sure you can find loads of such clothes in the baby department. But at the end of day, I felt quite uneasy and decided not to dress up my baby (she was 6 months old at that time) like that anymore. And this was not felt by me alone, but also by my husband. Recently we spent overnight at a hotel near a mall, and I brought her normal cotton dress but forgot the legging pants (that I usually matched with the top). Out of desperation we just dressed her up with that cotton dress which falls about 2-3 cms above her knee (abit short as I was not aware she was getting taller). We were so uneasy and ended up buying new clothes for her!

You see, among the reasons of our feeling and reaction perhaps because our little girl is very active and always runs around and more often than not, lying on the floor of shopping malls or hotels especially on the shiny tiles and carpets.. So sangatlah tidak sopan nampaknye if she wears revealing clothes or short dresses for that matter. Plus I don't like to see girls with skimpy outfits, either little or big girls as I am afraid that the parents will have a difficult time to explain when the time comes for them to cover their aurat.. How would I want to convince my child to cover up if I was the one who dressed her the opposite for the past 8-10 years (nauzubillah)? That is actually my greatest fear.

Hence please I hope all Muslim (or even the non-Muslim) mummies out there to start dressing up our girls modestly for the benefit of all. For example if you're buying swimming suit for your little girl, perhaps you can choose a wetsuit instead of bikinis.. For daily wear, I guess shirt and ¾ or long pants will do to replace the short pants and spaghetti straps.. Dresses are okay but match them up with long pantyhose or leggings to compliment the modest look. I mean, little girls are always cute no matter what they wear J

Let's instill the modesty in the early age so our work will be easier when they grow older. I don't believe in forcing people (or my own children) to cover aurah, perform solah etc, but I prefer if it comes with god understanding and volunteered by the girl herself. But isn't it best to nurture our own future caliphs since they were small J as the hadith saying (quoted loosely) children are like clean sheet white cloths, it's the parents who paints is red, blue or yellow.

LET'S DRESS UP MODESTLY PEOPLE J

Quick tips : Living with the Inlaws

This is a post that I longed to write but never be able to do it, until now. It's not that I don't have any idea what to write, but I intend to obtained more experience so I can share more with my readers. Well yes, I believe some of the wives already rolled their eyes when reading my post header. I said wives because perhaps it brings less impact to the husbands if they ever need to stay with their inlaws.

Ideally, I don't think living with the inlaws is the most exciting topic or situation to consider of think about especially for newly weds. Atleast for me, I was expecting a life of living with the husband and kids, in my own house by ourselves when I was married to the man I believe will make me happy for the rest of my life.

The truth hit me when me and my husband decided (reluctantly, for me)-that me and Amna need to stay at his parents' without him as he was still in long contract terms to serve in the neighbouring country. The maths is simple - it will resolve so many problems of long distance couples with small child such as caregiver, security, safety, ease of mind when working (for both parents), etc.

So now I will share a few tips for those who have no choice but to live with the inlaws, or actually making the decision to do so for whatever reasons.

1. I was blessed with inlaws that treat me like their own child. I know that not everyone had this privilege,and I am thankful to Allah for this. I know that some really need to deal with difficult inlaws, however you cannot erase the fact that you need to deal with them sooner or later since you're married with their son.Hence, most important thing to do first is to fine-tune your mindset because Rule#1-Believe that inlaws are not MONSTERS. They are equivalent to our parents, new set of parents that we recently know during our wedding day. It will last forever. I am not gonna kid you that I can accept the fact and be happy about it straight away. In my case, my family style and his was a total opposite, but of course we stick to the same set of Islamic value and such. Hence, it was a hard time for me in the beginning, regarding how warming and welcoming my inlaws are.

3. Rule #2- Avoid confrontation as much as you can. Believe me, before you find similarities, you will find more differences that sometimes can make you go crazy. I need to admit that I confronted alot during my early months of staying with my inlaws and it did not bring any good. I am embarrassed to recall it now, I envy their patience towards me, the stranger that live in their home.

4. Rule #3 - Don't be too fussy. You're living in their house anyway, not the other way round. For small things that can be ignored, please choose to ignore and accept their way rather than making it a big issue that leads to a bigger problem. Accept lah.. you're not perfect either. Kalau frustrated atau marah sangat, just text and call the husband and pour your feelings out.At least he is there to listen. Never ever confronting with the parents, you will menyesal all your life.

5.Rule #4- If you want them to do something your way (in my case especially in raising my child), the best way to do is get your husband to tell his parents rather than you tell them yourself. I've experimented many ways and believe this is the most suitable and effective thing to do without hurting any parties.

6. Rule #5 - Take your time and find the similarity between you and the MIL. Kalau tak jumpa langsung, try to find it lagi dan lagi dan lagi. Mesti ada. Then work on it, make it your daily conversation topic,etc. Ask your husband for more details.

6.Rule #6 - Try your best to pleased them. Belikan hadiah, bawa balik makanan sedap, buy some groceries to ease them and cheer them up (especially in my case yang makan,tido,basuh baju semua kat rumah inlaw). Macam mana kita gembirakan parents kita, macam tu la kita buat kat parents inlaw kita.

7.Rule #7 - Give them space. To play with their grandchild, to have conversations with their children. Tak perlu nak asyik menyibuk atau fikir kita je perlu perhatian 24/7. Know your boundary as a menantu,some family affair we might not need to intervene.

8.Last but I believe most important is -Uphold all the Islamic values whenever you're facing a conflict.All the adab2 sangat penting.. dan jangan lupa jaga aurat because you're living in someone else' house. Kalau husband ada adik2 lelaki atau ipar lelaki sah2 kena tutup aurat. Perkara ni walau bunyi nya senang tapi susah sangat.. again I need to admit that the first month I'm living with them, I had a hard time of covering up at home.Just imagine long sleeves and tudung for more than 15 hours (except when you're in your own room).What can I say, alah bisa tegal biasa. Its not an option pun, its a must.

OK setakat ni jeif ada lagi nanti I will add later. Again, I am not perfect and had my down moments, we had tense situation when both of me and my MIL cried anthe guys are trying to handle the situation.. you might experience that too.Its important to deal with the problems rather than avoid it..as it will stay and not go away.

 As of now, incase my inlaws are reading this... Mama and Abah, you are such a great people and among the strongest people I ever known in my life.Thanks for having me and being patient to your mengada manja cerewet menantu.. even my parents sometimes cannot tahan with my perangai tapi you made it through.. no wonder you were the parents to such a great souls - my husband. I could never repay what you've done to me and Amna specifically. THANKS ALOT MAMA, ABAH.

(I dont have the courage to tell it to them, I know I am penyegan like that)

Learning to talk

Amna is in the early phase of talking..she managed to picked some words she used to hear everyday and use them to communicate with people.How i love this stage! I have fun guessing the right words she meant everytime she didnt get the exact pronounciation.Few list of words yg dia pelat that i can remember such as :

Mummy - memy
Daddy - diddy
Chocolate - kuyat
Carrot - kuyat (! Sama as above)
Rabbit - bebit
Seven - beben
Alif - aip
Sofia - piaa
Elephant - phang
Ten - thang
Fish - ish
Octopus - opus
Tukar - kuka
Three - tee

Afew other words she can pronounce rather fluently such as atok,ma(tokma),cat,frog,ayam,duck,bird, apple.. the usual words that were easy for the tongue. Yes her interest is always animals.Cant wait for next stage!

Boss hanyalah posmen

(This was written on 19/1)

I am writing this from a condo's balcony overlooking the open sea.With scenic view and the sound of wave crashing the shore, the best word to describe this feeling is .....blessed. The irony part was i just had the same experience last week overlooking the same sea, but from a diffferent shore with different set of people.

I just had yet another conversation with ny colleague about the things that we thought would have gone better with a better leadership. This time was regarding endless work related issues due to different expectation from different level of people in the organisation. We acknowledged that the difference is a norm,but what about the actions to make ends meet?

When all reasons and evidences had resurfaced,we've nobody else to blame but the BOSS.It's always the boss(es) who are incompetent,cruel,heartless,not understanding gen Y, not this and not that. And it is a known fact that most popular reason on our friends' resignation is due to the boss factor. So when there is an obvious target, why bother finding other factor to support the hypothesis?

These few weeks I' ve the opportunity to work on a paper  to be presented to my higher management. Prior to the seating,we were required to have syndication sessions with every one of committee members to obtain mutual agreement prior to the real papee. During these sessions that I slowly realised the rationale of some decisions made by them, and how some idea, no matter how brilliant it was from our own point of view,might not be that good from the eyes of others. The management were trained to think like this,not focusing but always consider the negative impact of everything.My father in law,a military officer once told me that the army are also trained this way so they are better prepared and always in the alert mode incase anything goes wrong to our nation's security.

So the main question is, IS boss the one to be blamed in most situation in the office?

Not shoving the leadership factor aside, we (the gen y) always believe that our bosses need to improve on the leadership skills. BUT never forget that we also need to improve OURSELVES in terms of trying to understand and showing good manners to the elderly. It was worrying when I saw before my eyes that some people I know did not really respect the boss.Some did not informed when coming late to office or even taking leave,did not greet the bosses when they meet at the corridors,did not bother to compose nice sentences in emails.. and the list goes on and on.The selfish and 'I am always right no matter what' attitude need to be improved, my dear friends. A reminder to myself too if ever i cross the line.In simple words,jaga adab kita.

Because the truth is, boss(es) are just postmans - messengers of what had been laid down by our Ultimate Boss. If you dont like your workplace for whatever reason,make a move.Kan simple like that.

Count My Calories

1.       I observed that my weight had gain for no significant reason these past few weeks. I suspect the steak feast everytime hubby was at home. Tapi recently he just came home once per month so the hypothesis might not be quite accurate. The most probably reason I think of the excessive sugary food intake I had recently.. few times per week I got myself either a bag of Famous Amos choc chip, A piece of Famous Amous soft cookie, A Chatime horlick cocoa, a Gong Cha signature wintermelon tea, the various imported choc that is easily available at my workplace, and the list goes on.

 

2.       So I embarked on a personal food watch programme to obtain my previous weight and for a leaner, ideal figure. You know, my Mummy tummy has yet to actually disappear even after I year 8 months of giving birth, hence I need to start somewhere, and now.

 

3.       Previously I love to run on the threadmill everytime I went to the gym or at home. However I believe I need to focus on specific work out to flatten the tummy and strengthen my mid body. Hence, I started my Youtube work out (exercise with Youtube videos from fitness coach) and my favourite is from HasFit. I managed to do 3 sessions per week, however my target is actually everyday ! Gotta work harder and discipline myself. Besides, I tried to do sit up/crunch up everyday, walaupun ade few times miss jugak but at least I tried.Now able to do 50x per session, will increase slowly but surely.

 

4.       And I resumed my favourite past time (once upon a time) which is calorie counting. Although there are a few thoughts about this, I am comfortable to stick to the following rules :

i)                    Women need about 200-250 kcal every meal, while men need about 300-350kcal every meal. This is ideal for people in office environment, of course it would be different if you lead a very active lifestyle.

ii)                   We need to eat 3-4 times a day. That means about 5-6 serving per day. And proper meal and snacks are just the same!! It is interchangeable and consumable at any meal time.

iii)                 The aim is to balance the sugar level in our blood. If it is very low we won't have enough energy, and if it is too high we will feel heavy and sleepy

iv)                 If you feel full when it comes to meal time, try to cut your food serving into half or quarter. If you feel very hungry that means your previous meal is not enough to satisfy your body needs. Make sure you feel just right after each meal.

 

5.       I cut my intake of chocolates and replaced it with granola bars and biskut kering. I make sure I have the snacks with me all the time so I won't be starving and started to crave for sweet sugary food. One of the trainer from Youtube mentioned that the sweet food craving was resulted of not enough sugar in your body.

 

6.       OK! Time to work out. Bye bye!

Good start to 2014

Alhamdulillah this morning was a breeze and according to my ideal plan.

 

1. Amna slept early last night, at 11 pm (this is early for her!). Maybe too tired because she main basikal with her cousins and the travelling time from Seremban. Managed to switch off the light (I always wanted to do this every night but Amna would cry and scream once the light was off). Both of us slept soundly all night.

 

2. Woke up at 5.30 am and switch off the alarm (luckily this time I don't ignore it as i usually do, azam tahun baru beb). I was touched with one stranger's words from facebook that most Muslims nowadays are afraid to wake up before Subuh, takut tak cukup tidur and ngantuk pegi office. End up ramai orang akan solat subuh lewat dan yang lelaki tak dapat solat Subuh berjemaah. Statement ni I rasa macam kena lempang je sebab I felt exactly like that before. Kadang2 saja set alarm kul 6.30am kononnya takut ngantuk gi office.. makhluk mana la yang menyemai doktrin jahat kepada kita ni. Pastu I went straight to the bathroom to take ablution, then i heard a single scream from the room. I was like alamakkk si kecik ni bangun ke... there goes my tahajud :(

 

3. Si kecik bangun itu rupanya lapar susu sebab semalam dia tido without minum susu. So lepas habis sebotol susu, she teman Mummy ngaji (she loves to sit on my lap when I am reciting Quran or zikir after solat). Since she is in a good mood, I distracted her with her favourite videos and applications (for time like this, I thank God for a magic gadget called Tab/iPad. What I hate was when the girl is playing with her toys or reading books, somebody suddenly `lure' her with Cartoon videos on hp/tab. I am soo pissed off when things like this happen!!). Managed to perform solat2 sunat and Subuh and recited Al Mathurat.'

 

4. At 6.30am, I ironed the clothes and got ready to work while the little girl was occupied with her toys. I even managed to do sit ups! 

 

5. Kissed the girl good bye and head to office at 7.30am. I love the morning breeze :) Then baru perasan my car was not at my MIL's house.. so she had to send me to my house to get my car. Muka maintain relax je padahal da gelabah da mula2 tadi takut kereta kena curi. Hahah

 

6. Arrived at office by 8am.. no boss and not much work today. Kejap lagi boleh dhuha and petang boleh balik at 5pm... yeayy alhamdulillah.

 

7. This is the ideal work routine that I always wanted. It might be a normal day to some of you, but it is not very easy or too normal for me due to many reasons.Hope I can istiqamah..please pray for me. I pray for you too :) 

Sleep Deprived Mommy

1.       I am blessed with anak yang takdelah susah sangat and takdelah senang sangat nak tidurkan dia.. tapi bila datang tantrum dia or perangai taknak tido memang boleh buat pening kepala and rasa nak marah je.

 

2.       She started to test me when she was just days old. She refused to sleep alone, and even letak sekejap pun tak boleh. Always love to sleep dalam pelukan and nurse almost 24/7. So the idea of having a baby cot is impossible. I guess this condition is quite normal for new babies as they are still adjusting to the new world.

 

3.       After a month, she has a new habit of crying every night before sleep. Even after she just had her milk, cleaned and dry, she cried every night without fail. I was so nervous when I imagined what would happen once I get back to work. My fear did come true. She continued her habit every night and Mummy had a permanent eye bag under my eyes. The only good part at this time was Mummy got back to pre pregnancy weight without much effort, other than that inilah masa ujian hebat untuk first time Mummy. Lepas dah penat menangis and tidur, it was Mummy's turn to cry pulak menangisi nasib. Huhu

 

4.       After the third months onward, Alhamdulillah dah tak nangis malam2. Tido pun lama dah malam2 and sekali dua je bangun untuk susu. Mummy had longer sleeps Alhamdulillah.

 

5.       After enjoying good rest and enough sleep time, the time of berjaga malam started again when she just learned to walk ( for record : Amna started to walk at 1 yr 2 mo). Malam2 pun nak berjalan, keluar masuk bilik. The best part is dia taknak berjalan sorang2, she took Mummy's hand to teman dia berjalan2.

 

6.       Pastu bila dah start main (umur around 1 yr 3 mo), tidur makin lambat. Bila tidur lambat, bangun pun lambat, kul 12noon kadang2. Then tahan mata main2 lagi taknak tido.. tunggu Mummy balik office then terus ajak masuk bilik to nurse and sleep. This is usually around 6.30pm.. then tido la dia sampai 8.00pm. Kemudian bila bangun energetic macam baru bangun pagi plak so the ritual goes on and on.. sometimes tido kul 2.30am!!

 

7.       These few days were the most challenging for me. My inlaws balik kampong so I need to ask for my parents favour to look after Amna. And this means I need to commute to work from Seremban. Kemudian, datangla perangai dari mana tah dia dapat, pandai merajuk then bila ade benda tak kena sikit mulalah dia melalak and scream at top of her lungs. Contoh kita tutup satu lampu sebab nak tido pun bole jadi sebab. For me, this new experience memang memeningkan. Sebabnya, I am commuting and need to get ready as early as 5.30am. Kalau kul 3am pun belum tido lagi, abis camaner…….

 

8.       Satu malam yang sangat horror adelah on last 2 nights where Amna dah ngantuk ptg tu but Atuk dia refused to let her sleep, kononnya malam nnti dia boleh tido terus sampai pagi. End up she slept at 9.30pm (after a half an hour tantrum) and woke up at 11.30pm just when I crept beside her to sleep -_- And kalau dah bangun tu.. tau jerlah. Again she refused to play alone, semua ambik tangan Mummy soh ikut and play with her. Bila dah kul 3am, my brain dah cannot fully function. Luckily my Mom let me sleep and she teman my daughter to watch her video. Tetapi at about 4.20am, she felt sleepy and when she saw me sleeping (alone), she screamed and cried agaknye sebab tengok I tak ambik dia tido sekali. I don't really know what time she fell asleep, but what I know is I terpaksa amik half day to work as no way I can wake up at 5.30am and catch the morning bus.

 

9.       I hope her new habit is just a phase and it would, and NEED to subside sooner before I lose my insanity. I seeked guidance from other parents about this, and tried to implemented their tips, so far none worked! Tried to wake her up early in the morning, and not letting her to nap at night before her sleep time, tried to switch of the lights. None worked. Perhaps I need to try harder.

 

10.   I don't want to train my anak to sleep at 8 pm coz I am working during the day and I want to spend more time with her. I think sleeping at 10pm would be ideal.. however it's not easy to achieve it realistically… I will continue my research to reset my anak's body clock so we can ensure a happy child and happy Mommy at the same time.

Ujian selepas kahwin

(Continuation from previous post)

The real test for me after I got married...

My husband is always not around me due to work commitment... he went for vietnam assignment as soon as our marriage leave ends.Then few domestic assignments.. and again 2 mo work in Vietnam again.All this happened within our first year of marriage. As most of thd newly wed, I always wanted a baby as soon as I got married. But that did not happen too fast for me.. i was TTCing for a year and without a husband around thing are almost impossible. Staying alone at home did not help either...bila duduk sorang ni I realized we tend to be more fragile and syaitan tu senang nak bisik benda bukan2.When finally I received the good news, I was pronounced miscarried after 7 weeks. Alhamdulillah my husband is around at this time..amonth later he got a transfer letter to brunei...luckily I was very calm to receive the news. Alhamdulillah I tried go overcome the sadness and live my life.. then I was again pregnant after few months. I was living alone throughout my pregnancy, luckily myhusband came back everytime he had the chance. After delivered the baby, the option I had is to live with my inlaws as they took care of my baby when iam working. Recently we just celebrated our 4th anniversary and I am still living with my inlaws while husband still in brunei... with no significant indication when he would return for good.

There I summarized my experience in one paragraph. I know it means nothing to some and I am not trying to get your sympathy here as the highlight of my story would be in the next paragraph.

Despite all the unfavorable events, I felt blessed with many magical things that happened.

Magical is a layman term that can best described `I feel that Allah talks to me' in His own way. He heard my each and every prayers despite my inconsistency of tahajjud, dhuha and other ibadat.. now as I am typing this I am so ashamed of myself  -_- By hearing means the Creator did not just gave whatever that I wished, but He fated for the best, the ones beyond my imagination and capability of planning. I shall not detail everything that happened here, as I believe everyone as well had similar experience like me, if not better. There were times I feel so relieved with what is happening as I speak today. How calming sometimes being apart with your spouse, how happy myself and my daughter by living with the inlaws.. you know the odd things that you could not rationalize with your head without actually experiencing it.

Hence with faith like this I believe everyone, especially women out there can endure everything that happen and rationalize it before you keep on saying things to reasoning yourself but disturbing to others like :

Only TTCing woman understands the pain of TTCing.

Only single Mom understands the pain of another single Mom.

Only people with similar experience understand one another.
Your difficulty is a far cry than mine- so shut up.

I admit that those sentences were my own, once upon a time. But I dah insaf. And hopefully the momentum will stay as you know, women is so fragile, thinking about 50 things at once, harini OK esok emosi tak stabil balik. For me, the key of success is only one : to get nearer to your Creator. Itu je.

Sekian, semoga di hari2 down I di masa depan, Insya Allah I can re-read this post and heal my soul back.

Cheers :)

Tipula kalau tak jealous

Tipula kalau I tak jealous....

1. Tengok orang dating ngan husband hari2

2. Tengok orang gi kerja dihantar dan dijemput husband

3. Tengok orang yang mampu pergi outstation/event/program sebab husband ada tolong jagakan anak

4. Tengok orang yang tenang je kat rumah sebab husband tolong uruskan hal2 harian dari basuh baju, iron baju, kemas rumah etc

5. Tengok family yang weekendnya penuh aktiviti untuk seisi keluarga macam pergi park, shopping mall, program etc

6. Tengok orang yang mampu plan the weeks and comply to it without dail

7. Tengok orang yang boleh gilir2 cuti ngan husband utk jaga anak bila caretaker bercuti

8. Tengok orang yang mudah nak plan dptkan anak siap specific lg jarak berapa tahun etc..

Tipulah kalau tak jelous. Perasaan tu satu fitrah bagi manusia terutama yang tak dapat depan mata padahal orang lain dapat je tanpa banyak effort. I pun x terkecuali dalam hal ni.. and honestly it takes some time to heal or find the rationale.

For me it doesnt matter, you deserve to grief for a while but dont take too long to heal, ok dear? Coz things like this is beyond our control, and no matter hard we try, if Allah has other plan for you it will never ever work.

For me, at this point of time where my emotion is most stable, the trick is to always sedar yang kita ni hamba. Siapa kita ni nak marah2 when our life turns to be the total opposite from what we dream. Sebab Pencipta kita itu tahu semuanya..

Looking back, I admit that my life journey is quite easy and straightforward. I was never the best in school but always in the top3 in primary school, top10 in secondary. My parents were the easygoing ones who always support and allow me to do whatever I want. I want to go to the boarding school and was selected.I never prepared for my scholarship interview for uni but got the offer. I met my right guy in uni who was from my hometown and got married. I never had financial problem as far as I am concern, alhamdulillah. As I said, I was never the best and some things do happen not the way I wanted I.e I dont get to further my study overseas and did not obtain a first class degree, but almost everything in my life falls nicely into places.... until I got married.

Allah uji I lepas I got married....
(To be continued)

Malaysian's annual shopping spree

I am writing live from the biggest n most popular book fair in Malaysia which is held annually, the BBW. After many years of missing the event, this year I decided to join the fun not once, but twice.Coincidentally I went to BBW on its first day and its last day, both was and is still a grabbing book spree. I mean, no one can resist cheap books, right?

To be honest I have not finish even a single book from the bunch that I bought last 10 days (with exception of Amna's books). And I am still buying few, ahsm, a number of books today, only this time I limit my buy to non fictions and focus the title for the whole family interest. I was also quite amazed to find many people already throng the place, with little children towing behind parents, in this early hours.  It was indeed an impressive sight.

Then come the real question;  can we really finish reading all the books that we bought? Or would it be another fillers to our towering bookshelves? Or do we just love the shopping part and this event is the most guilt free shopping spree one can ever have, so why miss it!

With the anecdote, let us vow to finish reading all the books we bought in BBW. All the best to you and me !

Choose the best supplement for your body

Assalamualaykum and hi,

Maybe you might be wondering why the sudden hike of eagerness  I had for supplements. Well, it is not actually so sudden. And it is not obviously a peer pressure as well (since now supplements are a booming thing and everyone seems to be a supplier).

I am the type that always watch my food intake since I could not get myself (yet) to exercise as often as I want to, blame the 8-5 working hours and a maidless,single-mom-by-location status I carry now. Although I inherited my Dad's genetic who hardly gain weight regardless what or how much we eat, and I  never over eat (thanks to the limited belly storage I have), those advantages do not permit me to stuff everything or anything inside my body. I was grateful to have the silent conversations in my head everytime I crave for anything too sweet or too oily or too salty, and its just once in a while that I override those conversations and had those guilty pleasure food instead and worry immediately after that . I worked in a shopping mall for record, and this was not easy :)

However don't get me wrong. I enjoy good food a lot especially when my husband is around. I would read in the internet, and newspapers/magazines and marked the recommended food joints so we can hunt for it later. So rest assured, I am as normal as you. Its just that when I had a meal that is not balanced (which is most often are veges/fruits), my mind will wonder on how to recover the missing component of a balanced diet. Hence I come out with a priority list of what to consume whenever I had one imbalanced meal for the day :

1) Get myself some fruits/veges/nuts as snacks. Always have these as regulars in your food stock basket.
2) Get myself some health supplements!!

For me, we should never be stingy to get the best food for our consumption, as our body is our most important asset in life.Even if one slice of papaya costs you RM2 (because you bought it in a classy shopping mall), it is the best investment for your health if you're unable to find other cheaper option for that particular day. Of course, it is best if you can go down to the fruit market and get your fresh supply of fruits and veges.
Same concept can be applied to supplements. I know supplements industry is booming right now, and we can even see people producing their own brand/product since the demand is very high. However, my philosophy in buying good is always go for good quality products that is endorsed by the authorized personnel.

I have tried few supplement brands before this, and what I can say is people stick to the best brand personally for their own selves. For more proactive ones, they start to recommend and promote the products that worked wonders to to their family, friends and even strangers so it can do the same wonders to them too. And actually product loyalty brings more benefit to you as you can focus your research to one brand and you can actually save your money since loyal members usually enjoys more benefit then the other customers.

So choose wisely. Happy exploring :)