Thursday, February 10, 2011

No Regrets : The Experience

It happened so fast, when we least expecting it. I just came back from a hectic journey to Canton in mid January.It was actually a combination of my birthday celebration and a family vacation.We were on our feet and metro(subway train) most of the time, and just imagine a trip to one of the busiest business hub worldwide;if I may describe it in one word : it's HECTIC! The trip was exhaustive but worthwhile, we even planned to come back any possible time soon.

And few days later I found that my menses was late, usually it is just right on the day it should be. I waited for a while just to make sure.It was until my fourth day that I decided to take a home test.The initial thought was if it turns negative, I can pack my gym clothes and hit the gym on the next day :) But both tests got faint but clear lines on them, so the rest was history.

We made a visit to the nearest clinic and the doctor confirmed it : I was pregnant. I still remember that night, while I recited the Quran and read the meaning I realised that the ayat was the famous ayat 1000 dinar (Surah at Talaq - verse 3) which in layman translation means `Allah akan memberikan rezeki dari arah yang tidak disangka2...' I felt grateful and blessed for His unexpected present to me.

And as time goes by, only family and close friends knew that `someone' is growing inside me. Sorry friends, but this time I followed the old Chinese beliefs to keep it as a secret until I pass the first trimester.It is just something I believe in life, that destiny always has two sides, and it is up to the Almighty which one He will choose as our fate. Anything can happen at any given time, hence I need to make sure I am ready for the most unexpected and never jump the guns just yet.

I think I've shared this before, I always think beyond time to challenge my brain and my emotion.It is some sort of `emotional firedrill'. One fine day you just have to sit at one corner,and think hard of the possibilities that may happen to you,your family and your love ones(the what ifs) and how would you react if you face such situation. But remember never overdoing it or else you will be a psycho who just refuse to do anything in life for fear anything bad will happen to you:) And I did just that. I'd thought about the worst that could happen and mentally prepared to handle the situation,just in case.

Back to my story, I don't have any exciting stories or adventurous chronology to share, it just happened.I had a light spotting the night before and it gets heavier during noon.I was at the office back then while my hubby was on medical leave due to food poisoning. I called hubby to tell him and he insisted to go to the clinic straightaway. I went to the nearest outpatient clinic with reputable gynea only to get uncertain results :( Through the ultrasound scan, we could see that the baby has stop growing although the sac was still intact.Mathematically I was already 7 weeks. However the doctor could not confirm I am miscarriage and she asked us to go back and observe the bleeding for a few days.If it gets worse,just came back for D&C.And we were charged RM76 just for that!

Deep down I knew I've lost the baby;it is the basic instict. The body knows when something went wrong and will immediately send some signal to the brain,thus the bleeding although I didn't actually do anything that might cause it(as much as I could recall). Meanwhile I just had slight cramps and we went home straight away. At that time I already burst into tears but amazingly hubby was so calm and continuously consoled me with his bear hug.. I accepted the fate already but I guess it's more than normal to feel sad for the loss. I mean, it would be abnormal if you did not feel sad at all,right?

However, my greatest fear at that time was to handle the miscarriage at home by myself. I've had good friends supplying me details of their experience on miscarriage;plus I read alot from the internet hence I can basically imagine the bleeding,the clots and the pain to endure for the sac to come out naturally.Luckily I don't need to wait any longer. At almost 7pm, I felt the strongest pain (period pain-alike) and had even heavier bleeding with clots..I even vomitted because of the unbearable pain. We quickly grabbed our wallets and stormed out to the car and hubby drove straight to Prince Court Hospital and parked at ER bay. Glad it was just a mere 2km from our house.

The rest was technical, you can guess it already. An hour at the ER, then I was transported to the ward. Surprisingly the pain had subside and gone at that time.Later the gynea on call, Dr Tan came to examine me and during the scan, we could not see the sac at all. It had gone during the bleeding, however Dr still declared that I had an incomplete abortion thus scheduled me for D&C the next morning.This time, both my parents had already arrived and an aunt came to offer moral support.

At about 9.30 am the next morning, I was brought to the operation room.The procedure went smoothly. I had general anasthetic and didn't feel anything even after I gained my conscious half an hour later. I stayed in the hospital for another night before being discharged around noon the next day.Alhamdulillah, I neither did vomit or had a fever (although the doctor said all these side effects are common after D&C procedure) and my BP is all normal. The only discomfort that I had were the abdominal/muscular pain and the intravenous drip needle that stuck on my skin until the very last moment. In my 3 days stay, the continuous visit from family,colleagues and friends really made me feel happy and blessed - thanks a million for that.

Now here I am, awarded with MC for 2 weeks and experiencing confinement just like the other mothers after giving birth. Perhaps mine would be more lenient and shorter (hopefully) but I am still forced to consume the Pati Ikan Haruan daily :( I guess that's the worst part of my confinement. The best part is I get to eat KFC :) haha. I will share the details in my next post.

Until then :)

1 comment:

MammaSun said...

Shah kuat! InsyaAllah, doa byk2 semoga digantikan dengan yang lebih baik.