Lately i think my emotion is more fragile for some reasons.. Mostly it was triggered by small things,sometimes so small its just not worthy in my daily life. Things which supposedly do not bug me too much, needless to say i realistically must be alot happier because ive reunited with my small family in this short but meaningful vacation. It is very meaningful, i would call it my (again)soul searching period to venture and define the options i may have in living my life.
I said options, because iam not the ultimate planner of my life.it is purely His choice.its just that i hope i will see the lights and find the right path. Not the path that i desired, but the path that He desired and destined for me.Quoting Ust Hasrizal in one of his book, like the journey of Nabi Musa that found the oddest in life,and is there Nabi Khidir that will show me the rationale of each taqdir? Only my journey and mehnah is nothing compared to theirs, or even more people in the world who live a tougher life but still a strong devotees to Allah.
Who am i to choose what i want in life? What i want will not be necessarily the same as what He wants.
I only wanted what is best for me in life, according to His rule, that will guide me to Jannah.
I know to gain that is never easy,but small steps in the right direction will lead me to somewhere,right?
I need to make sure i am in the right direction. Maybe a few sidesteps along the way,but the direction is sure.macam arah mata angin.macam arah kiblat.
And how to ensure my direction is right, for me is to making the journey process right.
I need to readopt again all the methods and processes ive known and learned before,which some i may had left along the way.its time to collect them back and of course, strengthen them.
I am talking about Muslims secret weapons.solat yang khusyuk and awal waktu, berjemaah mathurat, solat sunat-dhuha,tahajjud,qobliah bakdiah,taubat,hajat,witir, daily quran recitations,complete covering of aurats..and many more that might have slipped somewhere along my journey.
I dont want to be diluted in the world of rich and famous, in the world of feeling superior and important, and the feeling of only me is right, others are wrong.
YA ALLAH! please save me from the worst feeling a person should have - hubbuldunya and forgetting akhirat.