Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Ujian selepas kahwin

(Continuation from previous post)
The real test for me after I got married...

My husband is always not around me due to work commitment... he went for vietnam assignment as soon as our marriage leave ends.Then few domestic assignments.. and again 2 mo work in Vietnam again.All this happened within our first year of marriage. As most of thd newly wed, I always wanted a baby as soon as I got married. But that did not happen too fast for me.. i was TTCing for a year and without a husband around thing are almost impossible. Staying alone at home did not help either...bila duduk sorang ni I realized we tend to be more fragile and syaitan tu senang nak bisik benda bukan2.When finally I received the good news, I was pronounced miscarried after 7 weeks. Alhamdulillah my husband is around at this time..amonth later he got a transfer letter to brunei...luckily I was very calm to receive the news. Alhamdulillah I tried go overcome the sadness and live my life.. then I was again pregnant after few months. I was living alone throughout my pregnancy, luckily myhusband came back everytime he had the chance. After delivered the baby, the option I had is to live with my inlaws as they took care of my baby when iam working. Recently we just celebrated our 4th anniversary and I am still living with my inlaws while husband still in brunei... with no significant indication when he would return for good.

There I summarized my experience in one paragraph. I know it means nothing to some and I am not trying to get your sympathy here as the highlight of my story would be in the next paragraph.

Despite all the unfavorable events, I felt blessed with many magical things that happened.

Magical is a layman term that can best described `I feel that Allah talks to me' in His own way. He heard my each and every prayers despite my inconsistency of tahajjud, dhuha and other ibadat.. now as I am typing this I am so ashamed of myself  -_- By hearing means the Creator did not just gave whatever that I wished, but He fated for the best, the ones beyond my imagination and capability of planning. I shall not detail everything that happened here, as I believe everyone as well had similar experience like me, if not better. There were times I feel so relieved with what is happening as I speak today. How calming sometimes being apart with your spouse, how happy myself and my daughter by living with the inlaws.. you know the odd things that you could not rationalize with your head without actually experiencing it.

Hence with faith like this I believe everyone, especially women out there can endure everything that happen and rationalize it before you keep on saying things to reasoning yourself but disturbing to others like :

Only TTCing woman understands the pain of TTCing.
Only single Mom understands the pain of another single Mom.
Only people with similar experience understand one another.
Your difficulty is a far cry than mine- so shut up.

I admit that those sentences were my own, once upon a time. But I dah insaf. And hopefully the momentum will stay as you know, women is so fragile, thinking about 50 things at once, harini OK esok emosi tak stabil balik. For me, the key of success is only one : to get nearer to your Creator. Itu je.

Sekian, semoga di hari2 down I di masa depan, Insya Allah I can re-read this post and heal my soul back.

Cheers :)

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