Thursday, August 10, 2006
Hard to say I'm sorry
Assalamualaikum and hye..
Familiar with the topic for todays post??
Haha yup, for gals/guys in my era, you probably will hear the song sang by Az Yet (if I’m not mistaken) with the same title.A smash hit during our late primary school days..Yeah, what I want to highlight is, are you one of the people who is so hard to say sorry or apologize for any wrongdoings, or just apologize for something that you are totally positive you’re not the one to blame, yet you still do for the sake of your friends or you just simply don’t want to make things worse.
Once a fanatic fan of Meteor Garden (the mandarin tv series, with casts are Jerry Yan, the rest of F4 and Barbie something, forgot her real name..), I want to quote one of the favorite phrase by the handsome Dao Meng Si (Hero in the story)- yes it was in Mandarin but when you translate it will become like `If apology matters, then you don’t need police around’.when I translated it become so lame, hahaa (must admit that) but you really should hear the original version of the phrase.He said that phrase whenever he pissed with someone or wanted to start a fight soon (Dao Ming Si was a `samseng’ before he met and fell in love with San Chai).That quote really give impact in me in a sort of way.At first I didn’t really understand what he means, what’s the connection between apology and police??at last I discover the meaning (at least in my opinion)..it means something like when apology is very easy to accept by others, then you can just apologize for what ever mistakes you’ve done and people will easily forgive you. Thus you won’t need policemen to straight things out and investigate crimes every now and then.
Highlight of the day is, why are some people very hard to apologize, while some are very hard to forgive others??All of you maybe familiar with somebody’s quote `Why should I apologize?I’m not guilty!’ `I wont forgive her until the end of my life’ or `I forgive you, but I wont forget what you’ve done to me’.You see, the revenge or unforgiving element is so deep in our culture (as human beings, so I’m not saying only Malays/Malaysians have this kind of `sickness’, it applies to everyone in this world.As if one become a thief, we shall not blame his race/religion/family background, but we blame him for his wrongdoing. Rite?).So how to overcome this uncontrollable feelings, especially when you’re backstabbed/cheated/irritated by somebody else, or you think you’re right in everything?Is it so hard to apologize to/forgive people?If I’m the reader of this blog, I would immediately say `Yelah tu,cakap senang.penulis tu tak rasa ape yg aku rase!’
The question is how to overcome this uninvited negative attitude? How you want to be a much forgiving person and at the same time very easy to realize and apologize for our own mistakes? I’m not planning on listing the possible ways or advice for people out there who need to be `forgive and forget’ person, I just want to share my experience about this matter.
Initially during my tender age, I realize that I’m quite a hot tempered person, egoist and I find it easy to criticize and detect people’s weaknesses. I may sound like a very person that you will most likely avoid, rite?? ^_^ so, of course egoist means (approximately) it’s hard for me to admit my own mistakes. Even though the apology word is quite handy for me, and normally I do apologize, I also do forgive but deep down inside,I don’t forgive people very easily.
As time goes by (my favourite phrase, haha must be familiar to those who had been working closely with me for the last several years), I started to realize the importance of forgiving and of course, apologizing. Whether I like my campus or not, I’m sure to admit that the place changes me a lot.I started to look things with different point of view. Rather than criticizing people, I imagine and let myself to be criticized. To feel the feelings in one’s shoe, it was very hard and sometimes I do cracked up.One of the most unforgettable comment that I ever received from my sincerest friends are she thinks that it was hard for me to accept other people’s opinion (synonym to I think myself always right!).This comment really struck me, because despite of my sober, cruel and serious look, I’m very sensitive with what people say about me. Immediately I can see the network of all that matters: I’m hard- headed (I’m not sure if this term is valid or not) so I found it hard to accept other people’s opinion. I can’t accept people’s opinion so I always think I’m right. I think I’m always right thus it’s hard for me to forgive any wrongdoings, as I thought the person who makes the mistakes deserves no forgiveness. So why bother forgiving him/her??
But hey, just look around you. We are human, right. And human do make mistakes. Those are part of life cycle. If people make no mistakes, there were hardly lesson learnt and people won’t improve themselves for the better. It will be no technology, no civilization. So we’ll become no more different than the cats, dogs, flowers, trees. Mistakes done are to be forgiven, as we couldn’t turn back time and fix the damage. But if people decline to forgive other people, nothing can be done and worse, the friendship ties will be ruined forever. What’s so hard to forgive other people, anyway? Does it cost your money or you asset, or your life to do so? It cause my dignity, yeah, some people may say that. Believe me, you are not selling your dignity by forgiving people, instead you will gain more respect from the others by doing that.
The same concept applies to apologizing, but I’m not highlighting it here since I'm quite good in it (haha yeah, I hope I’m not lying).Just apologize for our mistakes, that’s all.One case where a car was accidentally hit my father’s car, and it was totally that man’s fault.He apologized to my father and said he will pay for the damage, but not now since he didn’t have enough money in his wallet.So he took my dad’s phone number and called a day after that to settle his debt.He was still apologizing sincerely and really sorry for what had happened. My father was so touched by his sincerity (since it’s hard to find youngster with that kind of attitude nowadays), my father just let him go without any charge.See?As simple as that(but hey, please don’t take advantage to other people by fake apology to get rid of debt ok??^_^)
That’s all on thoughts about apology and forgiveness.
No harm to try, right?
P/S: BUT NEVER FORGIVE THE ZIONS.THEY NEVER REALIZE THEIR MISTAKES AND KEEP ON ATTACKING THE INNOCENTS.AS STATED IN QURAN, THEY WILL NEVER DO.BOYCOTT THEM AND THEIR ALLIANCE!!